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Archive for: Relationships

Social Media and Mental Health

By Pinnacle Counseling
Thursday, January 1st, 2015

Social media is regarded as a tool to stay connected, informed, and interconnected with everyone in your inner circle and even around the world. The days of writing a letter or calling a distant relative to catch up on what is going on in his or her life seem but a memory. The world seems to prefer the click of an app or your mouse to get the latest and greatest news as fast as your browser or phone can download it. You do not even have to worry about the small talk before getting to the 140 characters of what is really going on in someone’s life or the daily (sometimes hourly) ‘status’ on Facebook. While there are seemingly no limits to what one can search for and learn about, there is also something fundamental missing in the constant refreshing of pages and pages of information. A real, deep connection to someone or something is severely lacking. Instead of communicating with an open heart and open mind, one can scroll through to get to the high points of a ‘likable’ moment.

Loved ones are people we share our lives with for a reason. That reason is because of the love and deep personal ties that these people have with us. They might have been there to help you through a break-up, loss of some kind, or have even shared a joyous occasion that bonded you. Those are memories. I believe that I will never tell my grandchildren of the time I got 35 likes on Facebook or the time I read a tweet about what celebrity got arrested.

A lot can be said for the amount of comfort, satisfaction, and joy comes from spending time with someone you really care about or a quiet moment alone. The hustle of figuring out the Wi-Fi password so you can tweet about what a bad day you just had will never be a substitute for meeting your best friend to talk it out. Connection and interaction feels so comforting because it is a building block of human nature. We have to have it. Without the communication and belonging, we would be endlessly scrolling and uploading; instead of living and loving deeply. Being social is not about how many social networking websites you are a part of, but your real social network is made up of those around you every day. Cherish those that you care for and search to find the connections that you are hard wired to make. You will be much happier.

 

Erika McCaghren

Categories : Change, Emotions, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Relationships, Therapy
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Five best things you can do for your marriage now. Number four. Reverse complaining.

By Pinnacle Counseling
Thursday, January 1st, 2015

If you want to change the style of a relationship, start with yourself. Your actions. Intimate relationships are a 50/50 proposition. Two people. If you’ve developed a pattern of judgement and criticism in your relationship, it may be time to create a new pattern. That’s okay. You can do that. And you can start with yourself.

Catch your spouse doing something right. Notice one small thing and express genuine appreciation. You may have to observe his or her behavior quite carefully to find something worthy of praise. But it will be worth your time and effort. Find the right moment to express your appreciation. And then see what happens. Your actions may gently nudge the relationship in a more positive direction. It may be only a small nudge. You both may immediately return to old patterns of criticism and negativity.  But still, it’s some movement in the right direction. A small victory. Progress builds on progress. Small changes become big changes.

Categories : Marriage Counseling, Relationships

The holiday "blahs"

By Pinnacle Counseling
Thursday, January 1st, 2015

With the holiday season and winter months fast approaching, feelings and symptoms of depression will often surface or increase. Feeling “down in the dumps” or “blah”, sad, discouraged, hopeless, irritable, cranky, or easily frustrated are typical symptoms of depression. Also feeling withdrawn, a loss of interest or pleasure in activities, changes in appetite, sleep, energy, difficulty concentrating, and making decisions are commonly reported. A sense of feeling worthless or excessive guilt may be experienced. Some of these feelings may actually interfere with our relationships, school, job, social activities, and even day to day functioning. If you experience a few or most of these symptoms it is wise to pay attention to what your body is telling you and to take care of yourself.

Often people minimize or don’t understand depression and the possible effects of going untreated. Working with a mental health professional can help you understand depression and learn multiple ways to manage its symptoms. Regardless of the season, feeling better means living better!

 

Erika McCaghren

Categories : Affirmations, Alternatives to Medication, Anxiety, Change, Depression, Emotions, Marriage Counseling, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Relationships, Teens, Therapy
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There is no place for scorn in a loving relationship.

By Pinnacle Counseling
Thursday, January 1st, 2015

A relationship between two people is a dynamic process. A lot can change over time. The intensity of physical desire may wax and wane through to years, only to wax again when you least expect it. At times, the most predominant feelings experienced by individuals in the relationship may be frustration or boredom. At other times, excitement and gratitude. Later, feelings could be become conflicted, complex. Boredom and gratitude, perhaps?

A relationship may seem to coast on past energies for a period of time. People change, priorities change, responsibilities change. Relationships move in cycles. For long-term relationships, renewal is perhaps the most important of these phases.

Through it all, a relationship can tolerate the expression of a lot of different feelings: joy, anger, confusion, contentment, boredom, desire, disappointment, respect, disrespect, patience, impatience, distraction, embarrassment, envy, acceptance, trust, distrust, wonder, defiance, satisfaction. Just to name a few. All of these feelings will be experienced at one time or another by individuals participating in a long-term relationship. Some of them are certainly more pleasant than others. There is a place for each in a loving relationship. Some are necessary and sometimes painful signposts on the way to a deeper level of understanding and love.

But there is no place in a loving relationship for scorn. Scorn is a relationship killer.

Categories : Marriage Counseling, Relationships

The Power of Recovery

By Pinnacle Counseling
Thursday, January 1st, 2015

For the past several weeks and months we have been hearing a lot about the problems caused by substance abuse and addiction. The people that have died, the bizarre and sometimes offensive behavior, and those having legal and professional issues seem to be in the news. We hear and talk about them but rarely hear and talk about those that have had success in recovery from substance abuse.  Substance abuse treatment works.

Here is one person’s story:
He was 17 and had a good life.  He loved school, sports, church, fishing, hunting, and most of all his family.  He loved life and all it brought to him.  Then shortly before high school graduation his world changed.  His mother died in an auto accident, he was driving.  The trauma, grief and guilt were so overwhelming.  Within a month he drank alcohol for the first time and it brought the relief he was seeking.  Finally he could cope with life again, just have a drink.

College started in the fall and his drinking increased.  Alcohol helped him cope with the change and it took away the pain he was feeling. When he went home for winter break he again experienced the unexpected.  His father died of a heart attack as he was giving him CPR in the family home. The emotions were extreme and confusing.  Alcohol was there to help.

He moved back to the family home to live with his sisters so they would be able to live as a family.  The effects of emotional pain, grief, trauma, and guilt led to the experimentation with marijuana. It was great!  The pain would go away, for while.

For the next decades this is how he dealt with life’s complications, with alcohol and drugs.  Even though he was able to complete college, hold down jobs, get married, have children the emotions that come with trauma and loss were never addressed.  He was living an unhealthy life filled with lies, deceptions, alcohol, drugs, shame and guilt.

After 27 years of using unhealthy coping skills, drugs and alcohol, and denial that he needed help he accepted the family support and encouragement (ultimatum) to get that help. Dealing with the issues in his life was now to take a different course.

Changing course in his life included going to an outpatient treatment program for his substance abuse. He accepted that he did not want alcohol and drugs to dictate his feelings and behavior.  For the 6 months in outpatient treatment he received the understanding, guidance and support that he needed. He started to network with others and participated in support groups. He changed his course in life.

 

He will be the first to tell you that change is not easy and not everything gets better quickly.  He will tell you that if you can be honest, open-minded, and willing, life does get much better. Recovery is a process not an event, some things change quickly and others need more work.  His life continues to evolve by doing so. It has been seventeen years since entering that treatment program and by getting the counseling and using the recovery tools, he has not used alcohol or drugs since. He feels life is great again. Treatment works! Recovery saved his life.

This is my story, a true story of life and the story of changing course. I am Gary Nelson a person in long term recovery since 1997. I accepted help in dealing with the unexpected events in life, facing the addiction and co-occurring issues.  I now again love life and all it brings to me, the outdoors, golf, church, time with friends, and helping others seeking recovery. I am a sober husband, dad and Papa. There’s nothing better than that! There are approximately 23 million other people with long term recovery in the United States today.  We are the anonymous people, your neighbors, employers, your healthcare workers, and your friends.

Substance abuse treatment today includes addressing co-occurring issues in life.  These may include mental health issues of depression or anxiety, relationship issues, or additional behavioral addictions.  Research has provided an understanding of why the disease is so destructive to our brain and how miraculous the healing process is.  For more information on the disease of addiction go to:  http://www.drugabuse.gov/  http://www.samhsa.gov/

Gary Nelson, CCDP

Categories : Addiction, Addiction Recovery, Alcohol, children, Drugs, Emotions, Grief, Mental Health, Relationships, substance abuse, Therapy
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What is love?

By Pinnacle Counseling
Thursday, January 1st, 2015

Lot of theories about love floating out there in the culture these days. Most of them are pretty worthless. Love is not a diamond necklace given in front of a cozy fireplace. It is not a fancy automobile. Love is not a delicious meal, a great haircut, or flawless skin. It is not a fit body. Love is not found on Facebook, though it is occasionally expressed there.

Love is patient, love is kind, but love is also a heck of a lot of work. Anybody who tells you different is trying to sell you something.

Love is a decision to care deeply about someone else’s welfare and feelings all the time no matter what. You matter to me every moment no matter what! That statement is an expression of honest love. Share it with someone you care about today.

Categories : Relationships

Helpful tips for handling the holiday "blahs"

By Pinnacle Counseling
Thursday, January 1st, 2015

Are you noticing your body slowing down as the holidays approach? Are you unsure of how to cope with these feelings and symptoms? Make sure there is not a physical or medical explanation for your depression. If your body isn’t feeling “right”, talk to your doctor. Treat your body the way it deserves and needs to be treated by eating healthy, getting enough rest, and regularly exercising. Taking a few moments to focus on your breathing is an easy and effective way to help your mind and body to relax, and can be done anywhere. Pull yourself into the present and take in the gifts that are around you now. Notice the sunshine, a beautiful bird, a cloud, or another gift of nature. Listen to the music or sounds that you “connect” with. A walk or change of scenery can bring newness into your surroundings. If possible, do something nice for another person, even if it is only to smile or greet them. Sometimes the simple, small steps we take make can make a big difference.

 

Erika McCaghren

Categories : Alternatives to Medication, Anxiety, Change, Depression, Emotions, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Relationships
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Secret to Happiness? Be a good friend.

By Pinnacle Counseling
Thursday, January 1st, 2015

A recently published book, The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work, takes a look at what research tells us about the characteristics of the happiest 10% among us. Are they all rich? Good looking? Famous? Live in comfortable climates? Smarter than the rest of us? Excellent golfers? Read a ton of self-help books? Do they meditate, do yoga, eat only raw, fresh vegetables?

Nope.

The one characteristic that unites these lucky, happy few: they form and maintain lasting social relationships. They have friends, make new friends, and invest energy into maintaining close personal relationships over time. They don’t wait for you to call. They call.

So how do you find happiness in life? Make news friends and keep the old. What your grandmother said is true: Want to have good friends? Be a good friend.

Categories : Relationships

Innovative, Creative, and Inspiring

By Pinnacle Counseling
Thursday, January 1st, 2015

Innovative, creative, and inspiring are tags used to search for videos on TED.com, the source for videos on almost anything. While it is nice to find something something funny to watch while you are at work, here are some videos that might spark your attention in the “tag” areas. Check them out:

Sarah Kay
“How many lives can you live?”
https://www.ted.com/talks/sarah_kay_how_many_lives_can_you_live
Sarah Kay uses two spoken-word poems to explain her love/hate relationship with living one life. She shares her hope to rush and hear everyone’s stories and to share her story so that she can see life through another person’s frame of reference as many times as she can, so as to not miss out on anything that others have to offer. Sarah ends her talk with another spoken-word poem about the power of experience and living lives of our own and of others in a special way.


Ash Beckham
“We are all hiding something. Let’s find the courage to open up.”
https://www.ted.com/talks/ash_beckham_we_re_all_hiding_something_let_s_find_the_courage_to_open_up
Ash Beckham discusses the closets that keep us from opening up and sharing our story. The story that makes us shut the door to the closet of secrets and pushes others away. Although she tells her own story of having a hard conversation about who she was to a little girl in a diner, Ash sends an important message about connection. That message is that the safety of covering up secrets and hiding from owning our story scares us into believing that we are alone. What we are is different and unique, but we are never alone in our struggles.

“All a closet is… is a hard conversation.”  –Ash Beckham

 

Colin Stokes
“How movies teach manhood”
http://www.ted.com/talks/colin_stokes_how_movies_teach_manhood#t-46850
Colin Stokes uses two classic movies, The Wizard of Oz and Star Wars, to illustrate the differences between masculine and feminine ideals presented by mainstream video media that play continuously throughout a child’s upbringing. These ideals in the form of movie protagonists in Disney and Pixar films can be masculine or feminine, but the message of courage transcends much deeper than hero or heroine. Stokes challenges parents to see the journey of the movies to show children themes that are more impactful and universal than fighting the bad guy or saving the princess; they involve friendships, self-discovery, and teamwork.

Erika McCaghren

Categories : Addiction, Affirmations, Alternatives to Medication, Anxiety, Change, children, Depression, Emotions, Meditation, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Relationships, Therapy
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