Stop all blame, shame, and criticism. Making your spouse feel bad may not be the best beginning for positive change. It might be fun, or natural, or easy, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to make anything better.So stop all blame, shame, and criticism. And stop them now.
This does not mean that your spouse is perfect. Your spouse is not perfect. If fact, your spouse may deserve blame. Maybe he or she should feel ashamed. But if blame, shame, and criticism haven’t worked in the past, what makes you think they will work this time?
Instead, tell your spouse what you need. Be clear. Be specific. To the extent that it’s possible, express sincere appreciation and respect. Express your needs positively. You do not need to be ashamed of them.