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Being a parent is tough.  Being a stepparent is even tougher.  When a family goes thru divorce and re-marriage things can get sticky if you are not all on the same page.  If both you and your spouse have ex-spouses and children, the complications multiply.  It will take time to make the needed adjustments to balance your blended family.

Parents are often unsure of how to handle issues within the family regarding their child in relation to the new stepparent or the ex-spouse. The stress of trying to balance schedules, parenting styles, communication styles, discipline styles and other issues can seem overwhelming.  Whether it is differences with the stepparent or the ex-spouse, it is important to work on finding common ground for the sake of the children. For the health of your marriage and family, you want to work together, not against one another.  Children often put the blame on themselves for problems between their parents.  They may have a lot of anger and confusion over the breakup or new marriage, that they do not know how to express.  

Reaching out for help in dealing with these stressful issues can make a huge difference in the life of your entire family.  A counselor can provide a safe environment for communication between the parent/s and child.  If emotions are running high, communication strained and the problems are interfering with the relationships between you and your child or spouse, it is time to seek help. 

Some steps to strengthen your family may include establishing clear rules and boundaries, keeping all parents involved, regular communication, pre-planning, and setting aside time as a couple and individual time with the children.

At Pinnacle Counseling, we work with adults and children of all ages, and are ready to help you work through the uncertainty, the frustrations, and the growing pains of a blended family.

Everyone deals with pain occasionally, but chronic pain is different.  Chronic pain is defined as pain that lasts for 3 or more months.  Injuries, nerve damage, migraines, arthritis, and fibromyalgia are just a few of the conditions that can cause chronic pain.  Living with chronic pain can have very real effects on your day to day living, your sleep and on your physical and mental health.  Activities you once took for granted – getting dressed, cooking, exercising, driving a car, going shopping, working, etc. – are suddenly difficult to do.  A restful night sleep may feel like a distant memory.  You may encounter secondary health issues such as high blood pressure, depression or weight gain.

The physical and emotional toll can be great.  You may feel weary and exhausted all the time.  You may find it difficult to focus at work.  Your emotions may be taking you on a roller coaster ride ranging from discouraged, frightened, confused, angry, or depressed.  You may feel very alone and hopeless.

There are many things you can try to help you live a fuller life despite chronic pain.  Depending on the cause of your pain, methods that work for you may be different than for someone else.  

• Nutrition – eating nutrient dense food, staying hydrated, and avoiding unhealthy foods, smoking and alcohol can all help reduce pain and improve your ability to relax and to sleep better.
• Relaxation – using deep breathing, getting a massage, taking a bath or doing meditation can help relieve tension in your muscles and help the body to relax, reducing pain.
• Reducing stress – like relaxation techniques, relieving stress in your life can promote relaxation and give relief from pain.  
• Movement – when you are in pain, exercise does not sound very appealing, but even small movements have a pain-reducing effect.  Arthritis will get worse if you don’t move.  Gaining weight will cause more stress on your body and can increase pain. Walking and yoga are just two low impact forms of exercise that you can try.
• Documenting – Keep note of your daily activities and your pain levels.  Take this to your doctor at each visit so you can both understand what is going on – what works, what makes it worse, etc.
• Distraction – Find activities that you enjoy that can distract you from focusing only on your pain.  Find a companion to do activities with.
• Counseling – See a mental health counselor to help you learn better coping skills and to help avoid or deal with depression.

Two of my favorite coping mechanisms are walking outdoors / enjoying nature and soaking in the tub with a good book.  What works for you?  

If you are living with chronic pain and need help to improve your coping skills, please call us at 479-268-4142.  In this time of social distancing Pinnacle Counseling is offering both TeleHealth and in-office services, following all CDC safety guidelines to protect everyone.  We are here to help!

A few years ago I wrote a blog article about ways to control or not control our lives.  In that article, I talked about the factors in our lives that are out of our control and what factors we can control.  Never has it felt more applicable than right now.  This new, uncharted situation we all find ourselves in might leave you feeling confused, uncertain of the future, unsure of what to believe, and frustrated with it all. 

You can’t control the pandemic or all of the ways it has affected your home and work life, but you can control how your lifestyle impacts your chances of becoming infected and your mental health being affected.  We can choose healthy behaviors such as eating nutrient dense foods, exercising, getting enough sleep, social distancing, wearing a mask when you can’t avoid going out and focusing on the positives can decrease the risks.

Trying to control the uncontrollable will only create anxiety and stress in your life.  We don’t know how long this will last or if life will ever go back to being quite the same. If we don’t acknowledge the feelings that we have and deal with them, it can create unresolved anger that can then lead to depression.

By focusing on the areas in your life that you can control, you can begin a journey to better mental health.  What uncontrollable things can you let go of and where can you take control?  Unmanaged stress and anxiety can lead to feelings of helplessness, fatigue, apathy, health issues, and depression.  Managed stress gives you greater strength, more energy, enthusiasm, confidence, success and joy.

If you would like to talk to a counselor that can help you understand what is happening to you and give you some guidelines on how to cope, please call 479-268-4142.  In this time of social distancing Pinnacle Counseling is offering both TeleHealth and in-office services, following all CDC safety guidelines to protect everyone.  We are here to help!

Is My Child’s Anger Normal?  Intermittent Explosive Disorder

Are you wondering if your child’s emotional tantrums and anger is normal?  You aren’t alone.  Most young children have occasional temper tantrums.  It is normal for a child to become angry when frustrated or when not wanting to do what they are told.  This is especially true for younger children who are still trying to develop their abilities to recognize how they feel or how to vocalize what they feel or want.  Their only way to communicate is through their actions.

If your child is having frequent outbursts and can’t control their anger most of the time, it may be time to be concerned.  Some signs to look for are the frequency of the outbursts, the age of the child (over 7 or 8), are the actions of your child becoming dangerous to him/herself or others, is the behavior interfering with school, is the child having difficulty getting along with his/her peers, are the outbursts causing conflict within the family, is there escalating defiance at home or school?

Emotional acting out is usually a symptom of another problem.  It is important to understand what is behind the acting out.  Children with ADHD have difficulty controlling their behavior.  Children with anxiety have a difficult time coping with stressful situations. Anger may help them avoid the situation that is causing the distress.  Trauma, abuse, neglect, undiagnosed learning disorders, or other stresses may cause uncontrolled anger.  Dr. Nancy Rappaport, a Harvard Medical School professor who specializes in mental health care in a school setting says, most at risk are kids with ADHD who’ve also experienced trauma.

Intermittent explosive disorder (IED) is defined as short episodes of intense, uncontrollable anger or aggression with very little or no apparent cause.  What seems like small, inconsequential issues to others, are seemingly blown out of proportion by the child exhibiting the IED.  They may become argumentative and/or physically aggressive.  They are overcome with anger and are not able to control their behavior.  Often, after their rage is spent, they feel a sense of relief, but will also feel ashamed of their behavior.  

When dealing with a child who is having an IED episode, it is important for you to stay calm and in control.  Praise your child for appropriate behavior.  Help your child practice appropriate choices when they are not upset.  Develop a system of time outs and positive rewards.  Look for triggers and work out plans to avoid them.  There is not a specific medication for IED, but medications, including antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications can sometimes help, along with cognitive behavioral therapy.  

If your child is having frequent angry outbursts that are causing conflict within your family it is important to get professional help for your child and your family.

You can’t watch the news today without hearing updates about Covid-19 and how it is affecting our lives in more ways than just our chances of getting sick with it.  Cases of domestic violence have increased with more families being confined together at home in extremely trying times.  Health worries, job and  income losses, home schooling, working from home, fear of how to pay bills and provide food, the list goes on and on.  You may be dealing with one or all of these issues.  The stress takes a toll on our emotions and when in close quarters that stress can come out as anger towards those nearest to us. Though women are the predominate victims of domestic violence, children are also at risk while confined at home with their abusers.

We are told it is important to stay home and be safe from Covid-19, but what do we do if home isn’t safe?  You may feel your support system has been cut off, while emergency services, shelter systems, and social services are being overwhelmed by the pandemic.   

 The National Domestic Violence Hotline has highly trained expert advocates available 24/7 to talk confidentially with anyone who is experiencing domestic violence.  You can call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) to speak with an advocate.  Individuals who are deaf or hard of hearing may use TTY 1-800-787-3224.  Another option for getting direct help if it isn’t safe for you to call is to use their live chat service on their website https://www.thehotline.org/help/. 

If possible, it is beneficial for both parties to seek couples counseling before the violence escalates further. If your partner is unwilling, you can still talk to a counselor that can help you understand what is happening to you and give you some guidelines on how to cope.  In this time of social distancing Pinnacle Counseling is offering TeleHealth services.  If you are needing help, please call 479-268-4142.

As mentioned in the previous article on Attitude, stress affects every part of our life. We can’t avoid it, so we want to learn to cope with it in a healthy, productive way. This is essential for our wellbeing.  We all can learn the skills it takes to cope with stress.  In this article we’ll focus on just one – managing expectations. 

In John C. Maxwell’s article It Only Takes 6 Steps to Change Your Life, he states “hope is the foundational principle for all change. People change because they have hope, and if people do not have hope, they will not change.”  Steps 2 and 3 in his article relate to expectations.  According to Maxwell, when you change your beliefs, you change your expectations.  If you can change your expectations, you can change your attitude.  

When our expectations aren’t met, we can become depressed, angry, or frustrated, which just makes us more stressed.  We feel let down and lose hope. When we lose hope, we have more difficulty coping with the stress in our lives.  If you evaluate why your expectations weren’t met in a situation, you can determine if your expectations were realistic, too high or too low.

Our expectations are often based on our perceptions of situations, rather than reality.  How and why are you perceiving the situation the way you are? What influences in your life are affecting your perception toward the situation? Is there another way to view the situation? Is there another way to meet your expectations or can you change your expectations?

We need hope to overcome the negative stress in our lives. And with hope we can have a joy filled life, regardless of the stressful circumstances happening around us.

If you would like help in managing your stress and to learn more about the steps to take to improve your coping skills, please call our office and schedule an appointment with one of our counselors.