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Summer will soon be coming to an end and the more carefree, less structured days will be just a memory.  No matter the age of your child, some pre-planning will help ease the transition back to school.  Whether your child is leaving for school for the first time or approaching their final year of school, preparing ahead can prevent anxiety and stress.

Our children have faced a lot of changes and challenges over the last couple of years.  This can be very stressful to children that have difficulty with change.  Others have difficulty with focus and struggle to follow school routines.  Knowing where your child is at will give you the ability to help them cope with the upcoming transitions.

Schedules will be getting hectic. What activities will your child be involved in? Do they actually start before the school year? Will you be needing after school care?  Will they be changing to a new school?  Will transportation methods change this year?  What will be the same? What will be different?

In the coming weeks, slowly move back to the schedule you will be following during the school year.  This will help your child be ready for that new routine.  Being well rested is key to a child’s success in school.  By establishing routines a few weeks before school starts, you can ease into those new bedtimes and earlier rising times. Getting that good night’s sleep will come easier when school starts.

Review any school information you have been sent. Buy clothes and supplies early. Involve your children in picking out their supplies and new clothes.  This can help them get excited about school.  Practice having clothes picked out the night before, backpack ready, and a healthy breakfast planned. These routines can prevent morning chaos. Make note of important dates coming up.  Plan to attend your school’s open house and meet the teacher. Having a strong connection with your child’s teacher can help with communication throughout the year.

Your student may be concerned about homework, meeting new people, bullying, adjusting to a new school or new schedule, just to name a few things. Are you unsure about how your child is feeling? Signs to look out for might include unexplained fatigue, sleeplessness, stomach aches, headaches, withdrawal from activities previously enjoyed, or unexplained sadness. 

If your child is showing a lack of enthusiasm for going back to school, sit down and talk to them about it. Is something in particular causing them to feel anxious about school? Once you know what is causing the stress or anxiety, you can make a plan with them on how to handle it. Establish methods for coping when they feel overwhelmed.

If you have a new student or younger student you may want to find books about going to school or on how to identify feelings. This is also a great way to encourage literacy.  Even if your child is not feeling stressed about school, you will still want to have open communication about your expectations for the new school year. If you have older teens, you will want to discuss your expectations for things like grades, athletics, work or curfews.  Talk to them about how to find balance between school, work and life.

You are your child’s best advocate. You can help them feel good about themselves and have a successful school year.  If your child needs professional help in making a smooth transition into the new school year, we have therapists available for your needs.

Relationships are very important to our lives and for the most part are good for us. But what do we do when a relationship is no longer good for us? How do we recognize when a relationship has turned toxic?

Unhealthy, negative relationships don’t just happen with a spouse or romantic partner. You can have a toxic relationship with parents, siblings, co-workers or friends. Any relationship, between 2 or more people, that has an unhealthy dynamic is defined as a toxic relationship. A toxic relationship leaves you feeling worse about yourself and generally unhappy. A healthy relationship leaves you feeling good about yourself and brings positive outcomes to your life.

Signs that you are in a toxic relationship can include any of the following:

• Feeling as though you are never good enough.
• Feeling like you can never do anything right.
• Always feeling under attack.
• Always needing the other person’s approval.
• Always needing to be careful of what you say or how you say it.
• Not freely being yourself.
• Being put down by the other person.
• Always being blamed for the problems, the other person takes no responsibility.
• You are left with a constant feeling of negativity.
• Isolated from other relationships.

Toxic relationships take a high toll on mental health.

• Constant state of stress.
• Depression.
• Negative thoughts.
• Lower self-esteem.
• Anxiety.
• Lack of sleep.
• Lack of self-care.
• Isolation.

What to do when you recognize you are in a toxic relationship:

• Set boundaries on what you will accept or not accept from the other person.
• Stop contact with the other person, if necessary, if they won’t respect boundaries.
• Start practicing self-care: eating right, exercising, etc.
• Seek help from a professional if you need support in breaking unhealthy patterns.

Pinnacle Counseling has therapists that can help you find ways of working through your interpersonal relationships, individually or as a couple. If you would like to talk to a counselor that can help you cope and give you some guidelines on how to set boundaries, please call 479-268-4142.  In this time of social distancing Pinnacle Counseling is offering both TeleHealth and in-office services, following all CDC safety guidelines to protect everyone.

By Rachel Freeman

How does autism come to be diagnosed in adulthood? What impact does a diagnosis have after decades of living with undiagnosed autism? 

Autism used to be a rare diagnosis.  Ever since the definition of autism was expanded to encompass Asperger’s Syndrome and became autism spectrum disorder, it is estimated to affect 1-2% of the population.  Many clinicians have not been taught what this diagnostic change looks like in their practice.  Because many people’s symptoms were either misdiagnosed in childhood or were not recognized at all, it has become increasingly common to receive a diagnosis of autism in adulthood. 

Autism is a developmental disorder that has to do with differences in brain wiring and is NOT a mental illness. However, living with autism—especially if it is not identified for 40 or 50 years of one’s life—can contribute to traumatic experiences and feelings of anxiety, low self-worth, and isolation.  It is those feelings, left unaddressed, which can then lead to mental illnesses such as anxiety and depression. 

The years that can pass between the time someone suspects they are autistic to the time they receive a diagnosis can leave a person feeling misunderstood, ignored and even dismissed by health professionals. The presence of other diagnoses, such as mood disorders, can complicate the diagnostic process.  Many late-diagnosed adults discover their autism in the process of receiving treatment for anxiety or depression, or while their child is being diagnosed with autism. Many people seek a diagnosis after a lifelong feeling of being somehow different from others.  

Autistic people may: 

• Find it difficult to understand facial expressions or tone of voice 
• Find it difficult to understand social rules and to form friendships 
• Be under- or over-sensitive to sound, touch and light (this can range from subtle to debilitating)
• Have difficulty regulating their own emotions, and when emotions are high, find it difficult to think clearly and make decisions
• Like routine and order and respond to change with a high level of anxiety
• Place a high value on honesty, to the point of being blunt
• Appear to be insensitive to others’ feelings 
• Appear to behave strangely at times
• Require very specific directions when doing something new
• Struggle to find and maintain employment, despite intelligence and work abilities

Autism symptoms can vary vastly from person to person and require different levels of support.  Resilience factors can be present that help one cope with symptoms or lessen their impact.  For instance, the way one’s parents dealt with the symptoms in childhood can have a major impact on one’s self-worth and coping ability. 

The process of being diagnosed and its aftermath can feel like an emotional rollercoaster, but it can also change one’s life for the better.  Benefits of getting a diagnosis can include: 

• Recognizing what has been wrong all these years, and realizing it’s not your fault
• Being able to let go of impossible struggles and reframe one’s self-identity
• A period of self-discovery, self-acceptance and even a sense of belonging as one interacts with others in the autistic community
• Being able to be up-front about who you are and what you need from yourself and others
• Helping you and those close to you understand why you may experience certain difficulties and what you can do about them.  It may correct a previous misdiagnosis and mean that any mental health problems can be better addressed. 
• Unlocking a different version of yourself that has not had a chance to develop

You don’t need to be formally diagnosed, have it “on the record,” or share that diagnosis with others in order to experience benefits.  Sometimes just knowing you have autism can help make sense of life experiences, explain what you may have previously viewed as character flaws, and lead to discovering ways to support yourself with appropriate coping skills that reduce the negative effect of symptoms on your life, while increasing the effects of autism’s gifts.   A life with undiagnosed autism can seem full of failures to achieve goals that seem easy for others to achieve.  However, when you look at what you have been able to accomplish so far despite undiagnosed autism, it can be amazing. 

Summer has been flying by and the school year will soon begin anew. This year may look different than last year did for kids. That means the stress levels for both students and parents may be higher than normal.  Covid-19 has impacted all of us one way or another.  Last year your child may have done virtual learning, in school learning or a combination of both.  Your child may feel strange about going back to the classroom if they have been doing virtual learning. Classroom sizes may be larger than last year for those who were in the classroom.  The debates still rage about masks and vaccines.   

Sports and other extracurricular activities are starting up again making schedules more hectic.  Your student may feel concern over academics, social interactions and meeting new people, adjusting to a new school or new schedule, just to name a few things.  Even if your children are excited about the new school year, they may still experience anxious feelings as they go thru the transition to new routines. They will also pick up on your stress if you are worried about it.

Some stress is normal and can be positive, but too much stress is harmful for both the physical and mental health of you and your children. How do you know when it is too much stress?  Signs to look for might include feelings of anxiety, panic attacks, fatigue, sleeplessness, stomach aches, tension headaches, withdrawal from activities previously enjoyed, or unexplained sadness.  

How can you help your children manage their stress?  Talk to them. Help your child learn to recognize the signs of stress and anxiety.  Make a plan for what to do when they begin to feel anxious about things like homework, their grades or how to fit everything into their day. Make a list of activities they can do when they start feeling stressed.  Activities to help relieve stress could include taking a break to pet the cat, calling a friend, walking the dog, listening to music, physical exercise, and so on. Choose simple, calming activities that are easy to follow through with.  Make sure they have “un-scheduled” time to relax every day.  Establishing routines such as having their backpack ready, clothes picked out and breakfast planned the night before.

By knowing how to relieve your stress and helping them relieve their stress, you can help them feel good about themselves and have a successful school year.  You are your child’s best advocate. If you or your child needs professional help in overcoming stress and anxiety, we have therapists available for your needs.

Being a parent is tough.  Being a stepparent is even tougher.  When a family goes thru divorce and re-marriage things can get sticky if you are not all on the same page.  If both you and your spouse have ex-spouses and children, the complications multiply.  It will take time to make the needed adjustments to balance your blended family.

Parents are often unsure of how to handle issues within the family regarding their child in relation to the new stepparent or the ex-spouse. The stress of trying to balance schedules, parenting styles, communication styles, discipline styles and other issues can seem overwhelming.  Whether it is differences with the stepparent or the ex-spouse, it is important to work on finding common ground for the sake of the children. For the health of your marriage and family, you want to work together, not against one another.  Children often put the blame on themselves for problems between their parents.  They may have a lot of anger and confusion over the breakup or new marriage, that they do not know how to express.  

Reaching out for help in dealing with these stressful issues can make a huge difference in the life of your entire family.  A counselor can provide a safe environment for communication between the parent/s and child.  If emotions are running high, communication strained and the problems are interfering with the relationships between you and your child or spouse, it is time to seek help. 

Some steps to strengthen your family may include establishing clear rules and boundaries, keeping all parents involved, regular communication, pre-planning, and setting aside time as a couple and individual time with the children.

At Pinnacle Counseling, we work with adults and children of all ages, and are ready to help you work through the uncertainty, the frustrations, and the growing pains of a blended family.

Everyone deals with pain occasionally, but chronic pain is different.  Chronic pain is defined as pain that lasts for 3 or more months.  Injuries, nerve damage, migraines, arthritis, and fibromyalgia are just a few of the conditions that can cause chronic pain.  Living with chronic pain can have very real effects on your day to day living, your sleep and on your physical and mental health.  Activities you once took for granted – getting dressed, cooking, exercising, driving a car, going shopping, working, etc. – are suddenly difficult to do.  A restful night sleep may feel like a distant memory.  You may encounter secondary health issues such as high blood pressure, depression or weight gain.

The physical and emotional toll can be great.  You may feel weary and exhausted all the time.  You may find it difficult to focus at work.  Your emotions may be taking you on a roller coaster ride ranging from discouraged, frightened, confused, angry, or depressed.  You may feel very alone and hopeless.

There are many things you can try to help you live a fuller life despite chronic pain.  Depending on the cause of your pain, methods that work for you may be different than for someone else.  

• Nutrition – eating nutrient dense food, staying hydrated, and avoiding unhealthy foods, smoking and alcohol can all help reduce pain and improve your ability to relax and to sleep better.
• Relaxation – using deep breathing, getting a massage, taking a bath or doing meditation can help relieve tension in your muscles and help the body to relax, reducing pain.
• Reducing stress – like relaxation techniques, relieving stress in your life can promote relaxation and give relief from pain.  
• Movement – when you are in pain, exercise does not sound very appealing, but even small movements have a pain-reducing effect.  Arthritis will get worse if you don’t move.  Gaining weight will cause more stress on your body and can increase pain. Walking and yoga are just two low impact forms of exercise that you can try.
• Documenting – Keep note of your daily activities and your pain levels.  Take this to your doctor at each visit so you can both understand what is going on – what works, what makes it worse, etc.
• Distraction – Find activities that you enjoy that can distract you from focusing only on your pain.  Find a companion to do activities with.
• Counseling – See a mental health counselor to help you learn better coping skills and to help avoid or deal with depression.

Two of my favorite coping mechanisms are walking outdoors / enjoying nature and soaking in the tub with a good book.  What works for you?  

If you are living with chronic pain and need help to improve your coping skills, please call us at 479-268-4142.  In this time of social distancing Pinnacle Counseling is offering both TeleHealth and in-office services, following all CDC safety guidelines to protect everyone.  We are here to help!

A few years ago I wrote a blog article about ways to control or not control our lives.  In that article, I talked about the factors in our lives that are out of our control and what factors we can control.  Never has it felt more applicable than right now.  This new, uncharted situation we all find ourselves in might leave you feeling confused, uncertain of the future, unsure of what to believe, and frustrated with it all. 

You can’t control the pandemic or all of the ways it has affected your home and work life, but you can control how your lifestyle impacts your chances of becoming infected and your mental health being affected.  We can choose healthy behaviors such as eating nutrient dense foods, exercising, getting enough sleep, social distancing, wearing a mask when you can’t avoid going out and focusing on the positives can decrease the risks.

Trying to control the uncontrollable will only create anxiety and stress in your life.  We don’t know how long this will last or if life will ever go back to being quite the same. If we don’t acknowledge the feelings that we have and deal with them, it can create unresolved anger that can then lead to depression.

By focusing on the areas in your life that you can control, you can begin a journey to better mental health.  What uncontrollable things can you let go of and where can you take control?  Unmanaged stress and anxiety can lead to feelings of helplessness, fatigue, apathy, health issues, and depression.  Managed stress gives you greater strength, more energy, enthusiasm, confidence, success and joy.

If you would like to talk to a counselor that can help you understand what is happening to you and give you some guidelines on how to cope, please call 479-268-4142.  In this time of social distancing Pinnacle Counseling is offering both TeleHealth and in-office services, following all CDC safety guidelines to protect everyone.  We are here to help!

Is My Child’s Anger Normal?  Intermittent Explosive Disorder

Are you wondering if your child’s emotional tantrums and anger is normal?  You aren’t alone.  Most young children have occasional temper tantrums.  It is normal for a child to become angry when frustrated or when not wanting to do what they are told.  This is especially true for younger children who are still trying to develop their abilities to recognize how they feel or how to vocalize what they feel or want.  Their only way to communicate is through their actions.

If your child is having frequent outbursts and can’t control their anger most of the time, it may be time to be concerned.  Some signs to look for are the frequency of the outbursts, the age of the child (over 7 or 8), are the actions of your child becoming dangerous to him/herself or others, is the behavior interfering with school, is the child having difficulty getting along with his/her peers, are the outbursts causing conflict within the family, is there escalating defiance at home or school?

Emotional acting out is usually a symptom of another problem.  It is important to understand what is behind the acting out.  Children with ADHD have difficulty controlling their behavior.  Children with anxiety have a difficult time coping with stressful situations. Anger may help them avoid the situation that is causing the distress.  Trauma, abuse, neglect, undiagnosed learning disorders, or other stresses may cause uncontrolled anger.  Dr. Nancy Rappaport, a Harvard Medical School professor who specializes in mental health care in a school setting says, most at risk are kids with ADHD who’ve also experienced trauma.

Intermittent explosive disorder (IED) is defined as short episodes of intense, uncontrollable anger or aggression with very little or no apparent cause.  What seems like small, inconsequential issues to others, are seemingly blown out of proportion by the child exhibiting the IED.  They may become argumentative and/or physically aggressive.  They are overcome with anger and are not able to control their behavior.  Often, after their rage is spent, they feel a sense of relief, but will also feel ashamed of their behavior.  

When dealing with a child who is having an IED episode, it is important for you to stay calm and in control.  Praise your child for appropriate behavior.  Help your child practice appropriate choices when they are not upset.  Develop a system of time outs and positive rewards.  Look for triggers and work out plans to avoid them.  There is not a specific medication for IED, but medications, including antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications can sometimes help, along with cognitive behavioral therapy.  

If your child is having frequent angry outbursts that are causing conflict within your family it is important to get professional help for your child and your family.