Archive for: Affirmations

Live Better, Feel Better: Extending the Boundaries

A price will be exacted from us for everything we do or leave undone. We should find the courage to win, to win back our finer kinder and healthier selves. It is possible to find within ourselves the capacity to be thankful even while we grieve. Loss is a part of life. Although being thankful and feeling emotional pain do not coexist very often, it can be done. Only gratitude will allow your heart to be truly happy. Just counting the losses keeps the score very uneven. Even in times of loss you can find many things or memories to carry you forward. Grief only exists where love once lived. Having loved is something to be thankful for.

We need to remember that we are created creative and can invent new scenarios whenever they are needed. Life seems to love the person living it. Life is pure adventure. The sooner that is realized, the sooner you can treat life as art. Bringing all your energy to each encounter remaining flexible. And if the outcome is not as you planned understanding that it doesn’t mean the outcome itself was wrong.

Extending the boundaries of your thinking, being open to new ways of thinking about situations, accepting losses throughout the year still leaves so many things to be grateful for, and even being thankful for the pain that accompanies grief will help you heal and find more happiness. Because without that pain you would have never known the love and joy that person or time brought to you. Just as people, places, things, events, etc. affect your life each day. You, your actions, your expressions, your choice of words affect others around you each day. Be an example of who you want to be, who you hope to become. Extend the boundaries of your hurt tired self and count your blessings, even if some of them are from the past.

~Audrey A. Adams LCSW

 

Feel Better, Live Better: Love is patient, Love is Kind

“I believe forgiveness frees the heart and soul of a darkness that was never

intended to live there”

What I’ve seen in therapy is nothing short of a miracle because what I’ve seen is couples giving one another grace that does not come naturally. I’ve seen couples display acts of kindness that come only with love, but not just any love, this is an act of “true” love. Amazingly, these acts of love have been exhibited in instances where the very nature of human existence instructs us not to love at all but rather to act “as if” at war with the enemy. As beings of a higher order, we are capable of many things, but is true love one of those things? Are we capable of loving those who are a threat to us – those who have hurt us to the core – those whose very actions say they are at war with us? Maybe the more important question is – Is forgiveness natural? Is this true love?

The therapeutic process allows clinicians to see people turn from hate, distain, and distrust, potentially endangering their own self-pride, self-esteem, and self-worth, and turn instead to love, respect, and altruism. People choose to love, when given the chance. We are confused when messages are mixed between convictions and behaviors. We expect others to uphold their commitments to us and we’re blind-sided when they instead hurt us with acts of disloyalty, dishonesty, and vengeance. Yet when given the chance to forgive, we forgive. I believe this is a good argument for the existence of “true” love.

I believe we are born to be in relation with one another. I believe we have an innate longing for connectedness. I believe love is a basic need for survival. I believe we choose to forgive in order to maintain our natural need to love and to be loved; we trust those who have betrayed us to avoid disconnection. I have witnessed such behavior in couple’s therapy. I have witnessed the beauty of forgiveness for infidelity, dishonesty, and disloyalty. There is no greater pleasure to a therapist than to witness such forgiveness. Forgiveness is a gift some of us never experience. Forgiveness is one of the most empowering acts human beings exchange with one another yet, it is one of the most difficult to offer or accept. Why? Because at first glance, forgiveness appears to be an act of weakness. People perceive the act of forgiveness as challenging to their self-pride, self-esteem, and self-worth. Forgiveness is one of the most humble things we do as human beings because it calls us to love truly. It calls us to love emphatically, loving “as if” from the heart of the very ones who have hurt us. Not only are we to set aside the pain they have caused but we are called also to put their needs before our own? How can we do this? Only through the act of “true” love. Forgiveness may be the most selfless act we ever offer; an unwillingness to forgive, stands in the way of altruism.

We can learn from one another the power of loving with our whole-self. A love that calls us to come to the middle “wholeheartedly”, a term used by Brene` Brown in her book Daring Greatly, Gotham Books, 2012. I think loving wholeheartedly is our chance to love others considering not only what’s in the best interest of “me”, but also what’s in the best interest of “you”. When we come to the middle wholeheartedly rather than half-heartedly, we come vulnerable, willing to step outside “me” to see “you”. When I see you first, I then love you truly. I’m then loving myself enough to give myself the gift of wholehearted love, a love that is the shared interest of both me and you – it’s unselfish, fearless, and completely vulnerable. It’s trusting me enough to trust you. That’s the kind of love I want, need, and desire and I believe it is a love that can be taught. It is by sharing through acts of humility that we learn to live out our most valued attributes.

Written by Tammy Kennedy LPC

Pinnacle Counseling

Mental Health and Relationship Counselor

Life: the greatest gift we never asked for

I have no memory of longing to be alive. I don’t remember asking anyone or anything for the opportunity to experience life. It was a gift freely given, never asked for.

Our time together in life is a gift of incomprehensible value.

Don’t forget to say thanks once and a while.

 

The Habit of People Pleasing

Are you in the habit of always thinking of everyone else first and putting your own needs dead last?  Well, you are not alone!  That issue comes up frequently when someone shares with me about their anxiety or depression.  There are likely several factors at play that cause you to sell yourself short.  But in the end, you are left feeling resentful and exhausted.  Who is there to meet your needs?

We have to start “showing up” and making our own needs and wants known.  A favorite saying of mine is, “You teach others how to treat you by what you allow”.  Powerful stuff! Think about your current relationships.  Do these relationships have a 50/50 balance, with you and the other person being equally important?  If not, why?  Chances are, you definitely deserve to own 50% of the input in the relationship.

Cognitive behavioral therapy can be a powerful tool for overcoming the habit of people pleasing.  We learn a life time of “messages” we receive from others which reinforce that our opinion doesn’t matter.  We learn that it’s not ok to make others upset or disappoint them. That belief may have served you once in your life, but with those kinds of thinking patterns our souls can really take a beating after a while.  CBT helps by uncovering the messages you hold to be true and teaches you to re-write the script.  The technique of assertive communication is important here, too.  The two extremes, passive and aggressive styles of communication, usually aren’t very helpful in the long run.  Assertive communication says “Your needs matter, and so do mine”.  Try to get in the habit of thinking and responding with that thought in mind.

To many, making themselves a priority has never crossed their mind.  How is there room for that when you are busy being supermom/wife/employee…?  You may find that by taking care of yourself first, or at least making your self-care an equal priority in the equation, you have more to give to others.  You may feel guilt about this, and frankly others may try to make you feel guilty about it, but self-care is vital to mental and physical health.  Self-care can be as simple as taking 15 minutes to enjoy coffee with a friend, getting to the gym for a work out, reading quietly- anything you want that is nurturing to your soul.  The only requirement is that it takes care of YOU.  It is ok to be nice to yourself!

Rachael Nachtigal, LPC

Positive thoughts can change your life

Our thoughts create a mental landscape, a picture of the world in which we live. Negative thoughts create a dark and scary landscape. They have a tremendous power to shape what we see around us, and what we see in the mirror. Negative thoughts can become our reality in a very pervasive way.

Positive thoughts are similarly powerful in their ability to transform our experience. But often, they are harder to come by. Many times we find positive thoughts difficult to conjure. Negative, easy. Positive, difficult. That is the experience for many of us.

That is where affirmations come into the picture. Affirmations, written or spoken, force us to focus on the positive for a period of time.

That best thing about them: you don’t have to believe them for them to work. You can fake it. If you’re not feeling positive, that’s okay. Just say the words.

If you say them often enough, they become the truth.

  • Every Cell in my body vibrates with energy and health.
  • Loving myself heals my life. I nourish my mind, body and soul.
  • The more grateful I am, the more reasons I find to be grateful.
  • I know that I deserve Love and accept it now.
  • I am my own unique self – special, creative and wonderful.
  • I choose love, joy and freedom, open my heart and allow wonderful things to flow into my life.
  • I trust in the process of life.

 

 

Sports Psychology in Everyday Life (part 1)

As a former student-athlete, I have always considered there to be a huge difference between athletes and all “normal people”. We watch their highs and lows on Friday nights during the big game, root for them to get scholarships to play for good schools, and hope that one day, they can take their passion to the next level in professional sports. We eat, sleep, and breathe for the moment when we get to see our child light up after a tough game or when our alma mater beats our hometown rival. Athletes spend countless hours in the gym, practicing the perfect jump shot, strategizing over a playbook, and conditioning to prepare for a game. They obsess over their skill set, teammates, coaches’ opinion, and preparation level each moment of the day. At the end of the season, athletes assimilate back into the lull of offseason athletics and train for the next year. While athletes are just one example, we are all hyphenated people: student-athletes, working mothers, stay at home fathers, best friends, supportive spouses; but overall, we are not that much different than our favorite star players. This means that “sports psychology” is not only for athletes. It is for the rest of us who live our lives as complex people, hyphenated people. In this three part series, we will explore how everyone can benefit from sports psychology tricks and tips for your everyday life.

Why sports psychology does not apply only to athletes:

Reason #1: Sports psychology involves the connection between your mind and body while performing an activity. The interaction between your thoughts, body movements, sensations, and total involvement in a task creates a unique experience that is not only for athletes. This connection can happen when you do anything you are passionate about. All you have to do is realize what your passion is—reading, lifting weights, playing with your children, running, walking your dog, or writing—and do that. The “zone” and “flow” will come faster than you realize if you allow yourself the freedom and pleasure to do what it is that you love.

 

By Erika McCaghren

All is a miracle

“I like to walk alone on country paths, rice plants and wild grasses on both sides, putting each foot down on the earth in mindfulness, knowing that I walk on the wondrous earth. In such moments, existence is a miraculous and mysterious reality. People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on the earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don’t even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child – our own two eyes. All is a miracle.”           – Thich Nhat Hanh, The Miracle of Mindfulness

Dealing with Change

Changes occur all day long.  An appointment gets cancelled, you encounter a detour on the way home, you were anticipating roast beef for dinner and you got chicken.  It’s what life is and while you might get a bit frustrated, you learn to roll with it.  But what about the big changes?  Job transfers, marriage, divorce, children, medical changes and the death of someone you love.  How do you learn to adapt with the changes that will affect the rest of your life?

Whether you’re leaving the community that you’ve built strong relations with or having to bury a loved one, you will feel anger because it wasn’t your choice for this to happen to you.  Healthy coping skills result in better emotional stability.  Poor coping skills result in anger and resentment.

First, it is helpful to recognize that you are in the midst of change and that change is part of you.  Instead of thinking about all the negative issues, try making a list of all the positive benefits of this change.  Visualize all the possibilities and write them down.  Make up a “to do” list if there are things you need to accomplish before the change happens.  Call a friend and discuss your fears and ask for their advice.  If you feel that you can’t get past your fear, anger and resentment you may need to talk to a professional.  In talking with a therapist you will get an unbiased opinion and they will be able to give you some insight and the coping tools so that you can move on and embrace your changes.

“Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.” ~ Jim Rohn

The holiday "blahs"

With the holiday season and winter months fast approaching, feelings and symptoms of depression will often surface or increase. Feeling “down in the dumps” or “blah”, sad, discouraged, hopeless, irritable, cranky, or easily frustrated are typical symptoms of depression. Also feeling withdrawn, a loss of interest or pleasure in activities, changes in appetite, sleep, energy, difficulty concentrating, and making decisions are commonly reported. A sense of feeling worthless or excessive guilt may be experienced. Some of these feelings may actually interfere with our relationships, school, job, social activities, and even day to day functioning. If you experience a few or most of these symptoms it is wise to pay attention to what your body is telling you and to take care of yourself.

Often people minimize or don’t understand depression and the possible effects of going untreated. Working with a mental health professional can help you understand depression and learn multiple ways to manage its symptoms. Regardless of the season, feeling better means living better!

 

Erika McCaghren

 

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