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Archive for: Mental Health

Steps to Boost Self-Confidence

By Staff
Thursday, August 7th, 2025

Spring showers are in full effect. Summer time will be here before we know it. Many are looking forward to fun in the sun, while some are questioning “Is my summer bod ready?”

Performance, appearance, romantic relationships, and social interactions all have one thing in common – self-confidence. Self-confidence helps individuals reach their goals, stay motivated, and boost overall well-being. Self-confidence is often thought of as a person’s sense regarding their competence and perceived capability to deal effectively with various situations. Self-confident individuals can rise to new challenges, take advantage of new opportunities, and deal with all of life’s difficulties. Self-confident individuals believe they have what is required to succeed causing them to be more self-motivated and more likely to pursue their goals.

When individuals lack self-confidence they may experience a sense of insecurity, self-doubt, ambiguity, and self-conscious. Rather than approaching new situations, their instinct is to withdraw due to fear of failure, ridicule, or incompetence. When lacking self-confidence individuals may appear shy, nervous, and apprehensive. Experiencing low self-confidence can also be associated with positive qualities. Such as, individuals lacking self-confidence typically do not present as arrogant, egotistical, or assuming.

The big question: How to build self-confidence? Self-confidence grows within a spiral pattern. Successful experiences and outcomes lead to a growing self-confidence. The more our self-confidence grows, the more likely we are to take the risk towards additional successful experiences. If we are able to get ourselves into a positive feedback loop, we start growing self-confidence through one experience at a time.

Here are five tips for boosting your confidence:

1. Challenge your inner critic.

Formulate positive self-affirmations that challenge and shift our negative beliefs about ourselves. For example, if we tell ourselves “I am not worthy.” reframe the thought through positive affirmations to “I have just as much worth as anyone else.” If you often tell yourself “I suck at making friends.” Reframe the thought to “I have the ability to make new friends.” It most likely will not feel natural to say positive affirmations that go against what you already believe about yourself; however, through practice saying and thinking these things will become more natural by creating new pathways in your brain that reinforce over time.

2. Affirm your positive qualities.

Practice writing down and reading out loud as many positive qualities you possess that you can think of. For example, you might include “I am kind. I am smart. I am determined.” If you can not come up with a lot to begin with, that is okay. You will begin to recognize more and more positives about yourself as the new pathways become reinforced. These affirmations will allow you to focus on the positive things about yourself that you do like, rather than the negatives opinions of yourself.

3. Reinforce your skills and abilities.

Focus on statements that remind you of your skills. For example, “I am hard working. I am a good friend. I am good at being empathetic towards others.” This will help reinforce confidence in the skills you are good at while reminding you that you were able to build these skills in the past and can build more in the future.

4. Practice self-compassion.

When exploring the negative aspects we believe about ourselves it will crucial to treat ourselves with kindness, recognizing our shared humanity, and being gently mindful. Self-compassion allows us to hold a positive attitude towards ourselves, which aids in allowing for self-confidence.

5. Cultivate self-focused optimism.

Being optimistic involves looking towards the future with hope and positivity. Optimism is consistently linked with positive outcomes and an overall greater well-being. Being more optimistic about ourself and our abilities allows for gaining the confidence we seek. Practice visualizing the best possible version of yourself in the future, focusing on the good things you will do. Imagine yourself reaching your goals successfully and what your life would look like. This helps our minds adjust to the idea of success and allow you to be more confident in pursuing your goals.

Contact Pinnacle Counseling for Help with Healthy Self-Confidence.

No one ever tells themselves “I wish I was less self-confident.” Hopefully, these five tips can help you gain some insight and build some skills that will boost your self-confidence in the long term. If low self-confidence negatively affects your life, reach out to Pinnacle Counseling to meet with a licensed professional. Our compassionate, knowledgeable clinicians can help you navigate your thoughts and give you the tools to live a healthier life.

Categories : Announcements, Mental Health

Tips for Developing Healthy Self-Esteem

By Staff
Tuesday, April 16th, 2024

We are often told that focusing on ourselves is “selfish.” From time to time, reflecting on cultivating a positive self-image and nurturing self-worth is essential and beneficial. Self-esteem is crucial to our mental health, interpersonal relationships, and overall well-being. When we have healthy self-esteem, we are better equipped to navigate the ups and downs throughout life, assert our needs, and confidently pursue our goals. Research suggests there are more than just psychological benefits. Individuals with healthy self-esteem are likelier to engage in health-promoting behaviors such as regular exercise, healthy and mindful eating, and adequate daily sleep. These behaviors promote stronger immune function and improved physiological responses towards stress.

When meeting someone with strong, healthy self-esteem, it may seem like their confidence comes naturally. The truth is, that having a solid sense of self-worth requires building and maintaining it through self-awareness, self-compassion, and intentional effort. However, attempting to foster this can seem daunting and fruitless if you feel bad about yourself.

Here are a few tips for boosting your self-esteem:

Increase positive self-talk and personal beliefs.

Journaling, mindfulness practices, and therapy are great ways to develop awareness regarding our internal messages that contribute to or hinder our self-worth. Practice noticing your thoughts without judging them. Record what your inner monologue says about how you view yourself. Ask yourself, “Are these hurtful or helpful?” Hurtful thoughts and beliefs hinder, while helpful thoughts and beliefs foster self-esteem. Find ways to challenge and reframe hurtful narratives into helpful, empowering narratives.

Cultivate self-compassion.

When we struggle or make mistakes, it will be difficult times to maintain a helpful narrative. Self-compassion involves treating oneself with kindness and acceptance during difficult times. Begin journaling and exploring your internal self-criticism. Rather than being hard on yourself, practice approaching yourself with compassion that you might offer to a friend. You can be frustrated and disappointed in yourself; however, remember that everyone experiences mistakes and setbacks while chasing goals. When responding to these situations with kindness, we foster resilience and inner security of self. Practice responding to yourself differently, remembering you will still experience mistakes and setbacks. Being patient with yourself is an expression of self-compassion.

Explore how past relationships make you feel about yourself.

Throughout our lives, we must learn everything we do. How we view ourselves is often learned through how we believe others view us. Whenever you recognize negative self-talk, get curious and ask yourself, “Where does this message come from?” When experiencing rejection or criticism from important individuals, we might struggle to give ourselves the encouragement or self-acceptance we deserve. We often perceive that others will view us in the same critical ways we view ourselves. Therapy allows for exploring and understanding these experiences while gradually replacing them with more self-affirming beliefs.

Contact Pinnacle Counseling for Help with Healthy Self-Esteem

If low self-esteem negatively affects your life, reach out to Pinnacle Counseling for individual therapy. Our compassionate, knowledgeable therapists can help you navigate your feelings and give you the tools to live a healthier life.

 

Categories : Announcements, Depression, Emotions, Mental Health

Coping with High Anxiety, Intrusive Thoughts, and OCD

By turnthepage
Friday, March 3rd, 2017

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder can occur in many realms and may lead to serious mental health issues. An obsession is an unwanted, intrusive thought. This type of thought may present itself as an idea, image, impulse, urge, or memory that you experience as unwanted and distressing.

A compulsion is a behavior designed to reduce and avoid the discomfort that comes from your experience of an obsession. The behavior may be physical such as washing or checking or it may be mental such as reviewing or neutralizing. The disorder impairs functioning and reduces quality of life. The lost time attending to your obsessions and compulsions can create obstacles in relationships and difficulties with employment or education.

Everyone has anxious moments and irrational thoughts, but people who are chronically anxious are in a highly sensitive state most of the time. They feel a deep urge to protect and follow their obsessive thoughts even when they don’t make sense. Other stressors that can exacerbate OCD may include: other mental health issues such as depression, bipolar disorder, or personality disorders. Also insomnia, family issues, work issues, financial issues, and medical health issues can heighten the prominent obsession. Our obsessions tend to link to what we care most about.

Common intrusive thoughts include repeated thoughts of hurting self or others. Post partem depression combined with intrusive thoughts leaves new parents feeling isolated. Fear of talking about thoughts leads to more fear of being misunderstood perpetuating a need to isolate and remove self from relationships. This confusion and detachment harms bonding and connectiveness with others. Automatic thoughts do not necessarily result in actions or need for protection, but more likely a need for guidance and support. Trained professionals are able to offer tools to minimize risks and further complications.

The following are some other specific types of OCD. Most OCD sufferers have 2-3 obsessions interfering with behaviors and relationships. Here is a brief outline and description.

Contamination OCD: Washing hands and taking excessively long showers to rid self of illness or germs. Also avoiding contact with surfaces contaminated by known germs.

Responsibility / Checking OCD: A compulsion to check that no irresponsible behavior took place that could lead to a catastrophe – often exemplified by locking doors, checking correspondence and monitoring safety measures excessively.

Harm OCD: Focuses on unwanted, intrusive, violent, or tragic thoughts of harming self or others. This may be heightened in post partem depression.

Sexual Orientation OCD: Is rooted in the fear of not being certain about sexual orientation paired with the fear of never being able to have a relationship with a partner whom you feel genuinely attracted.

Pedophile OCD: Obsessions of being a predator of children that is debilitating to every aspect of functioning due to the most unspeakable thoughts.

Relationship OCD: Difficulty in tolerating uncertainty about the quality of a relationship and genuineness of your feelings.

Scrupulosity OCD: Targets people who place a high value on religion, rules, laws, or existential meaning.

Hyperawareness OCD: Typically involuntary excessive awareness of breathing, blinking, swallowing, sounds, songs, or memories.

As trained therapists at Pinnacle Counseling we are skilled at guiding clients and their families in recognizing obsessive compulsive disorder and making recommendations for reclaiming a healthier life style and increasing quality of life. Some tools to explore are acceptance, mindfulness (staying present in the moment), challenging our thoughts and creating a structured approach to managing compulsions. A medical practitioner may also recommend a pharmaceutical approach. Unwanted thoughts, distorted thinking and compulsive urges don’t need to be overwhelming forever. If you’ve tried different treatment options with little success, don’t lose hope. Call us today 479-268-4 for an appointment.

By Sharon Nelson LCSW

Mental Health and Relationship Counselor

Categories : Announcements, Mental Health

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

By turnthepage
Monday, February 20th, 2017

What is seasonal affective disorder (SAD)? It is often referred to as the winter blues. It is a type of depression that usually occurs during the fall and winter months as the hours of daylight grow shorter. However, it may occur in the summer months as well. The symptoms are those of depressive episodes, but there is no specific test for the illness.

Recovery is good for those who get treatment. There are lifestyle changes that can help you decrease your symptoms. These can include increasing the amount of time spent outdoors, getting more physical exercise, and maintaining healthy eating habits. Light therapy, talk therapy, and medication are often used treatments for seasonal affective disorder. If not treated, complications can set in. Like in other kinds of depression, there is an increased risk of suicide.

If you can’t get outside, use a light therapy lamp. If life style changes aren’t helping enough, behavioral therapy or an anti-depressant might be what you need. Talk to your therapist or healthcare provider to find the best solution for you to get relief.

by Kathy Frick

Feel Better, Live Better

Categories : Depression, Mental Health, Seasonal Depression

Feel Better, Live Better: Marriage is The Capacity to be Empathic, Coupled with A Willingness to be Vulnerable

By turnthepage
Monday, January 9th, 2017

Shame is such an ugly feeling. It’s sneaky and vengeful and so very confusing. It covers us and holds us down like an anchor on a big ole submarine. It’s so very powerful, it consumes us until we discover its weakness – Vulnerability and Empathy. Isn’t it bizarre that vulnerability, something we think of as a weakness, is actually so strong it conquers something as big and powerful as shame? I find that amazing!

Brene Brown, author of “Daring Greatly”, tells us that empathy is the cure for shame. She tells us that shame cannot survive in the presence of empathy, understanding, and validity and that the way to express true empathy is by sitting with another person in their pain letting them know – “Yeah, I get it – me too”. What I’ve found, in my experience counseling others, is that to truly feel the pain of others – their sorrow, regret, fear, anger, etc, we must connect with them on an emotional level – without shaming. We must allow others to freely express their pain without judgment. But, in order to do this, we must first connect with our own emotional pain. We can’t hide from it and we can’t be shamed by it. Through our experiences with our own emotional pain, we come to know empathy and develop a need for connectedness to others. If I allow myself to experience my own pain without shaming myself, I can then love others through their pain without shaming them – that’s empathy.

I see a lot of couples in my practice and find that couples typically come into counseling because they feel disconnected – they are having difficulty feeling their partner’s pain – empathy. Couples come into the relationship from different worlds expecting things to be easy. The truth is, marriage is hard and nobody prepared us for hard. But nobody said it was going to be easy either, we just expected it to be easy because the hormones that brought us together were very strong and made love appear easy – The Infatuation Trap. Infatuation has one thing on its mind – hook-up and procreate! The thing infatuation doesn’t consider is that we are two different individuals coming from two different worlds with different likes and dislikes. From the time we are born until the time we die we are building what William Glasser refers to as a “quality world” from a book he co-authored with his wife Carleen, “The Eight Lessons For A Happier Marriage”. The things we put into our “quality world” are the things that bring us pleasure so my quality world is filled with romantic comedies, warm fireplaces, and hot cocoa while my husband’s quality world is filled with crowded restaurants, red meat, and cold beer. So you see there could be a problem after the infatuation period begins to wind down.

I am a visual learner so I use a lot of analogies to understand complex things. I see the marriage experience as kind of like trying to see and hear one another from the far side of the table, only this table is one of those really long ones you see in the movies set back in the days of kings and queens. So I’m sitting at my end of the table and my spouse, AKA “The King” is sitting at the other end of this enormous table and he can’t hear a thing I’m saying. He’s trying to hear me but I’m too far away. As the servants begin bringing in the feast, we begin getting further and further apart – all this food is coming between us. We become engulfed in the whole process and soon find ourselves becoming bored with one another because we never really got to know one another in the first place; we were too distracted by the show. Now we’re bombarded by all the junk we brought into the marriage from our previous lives – If I don’t clear away my own junk, it begins to pile up between us like unwashed dishes and rotting food and it just keeps piling higher and higher until I can’t see or hear you way down there at the other end of the table anymore and you can’t see or hear me either. The way we keep the table cleared is by being vulnerable – we have to learn to ask for what we need, “Hey I can’t hear you. Are you still there. It’s pretty scary down here all by myself. Can you clear away some of your junk so I know you’re still there?”

Being vulnerable is probably the scariest thing we do with our partners and yet it is the single biggest contributing factor to having a blissful and happy marriage. I think marriage is practicing the capacity to be empathic coupled with a willingness to be vulnerable. Being vulnerable with your partner is much like going into the arena, not knowing what to expect – one more analogy before closing. I tell my clients that being vulnerable in your relationship is like being willing to go into the arena without your armor or your weapons – Yikes! Imagine for a moment what that would be like if you lived back in the time of kings and queens and now we’re adding “Gladiators”! The vulnerability we experience in a love relationship is like agreeing to go into the arena (meeting one another in the middle) agreeing to leave our armor at the door (totally exposed) while also agreeing to leave our weapons at the door (completely defenseless). Why would we do such a thing – Because you are worth it; because the relationship is worth it! Leaving our armor at the door is like letting our guard down, going in without our shield – agreeing to not use things like reasoning, rationalizing, deflecting, appeasing, placating, or yelling to shut things down – these are the things we use to protect ourselves during relationship conflict. We also agree to go in without our weapons – agreeing to not strike back even if we are slammed to the floor – we agree to not use things like criticizing, judging, interrogating, controlling, attacking, disapproving, or yelling to make a point. Being willing to share the things we fear the most about ourselves, knowing all the while that we may get punched in the gut yet, we agree to not punch back; we may get shot in the heart yet, we agree to not shoot back. Why would we agree to do such a thing? Because you are worth it; because the relationship is worth it! And because my greatest desire is that you feel the same way. Sue Johnson, author of “Hold Me Tight”, describes this desire to nurture one another and be truly connected with one another like two porcupines in the winter needing one another for warmth but knowing the danger of being poked with those horrid quills. I think the only way to accomplish this is Me coming to You belly-up with my vulnerabilities exposed asking you to trust that I will meet you in the middle of the arena wholeheartedly – not only with My best interest at heart but also with Your best interest at heart rather than, halfheartedly – thinking only of myself.

I can just see those little porcupines shivering with fright, holding onto one another tight, belly- to-belly, praying they make it through the night. Can’t you?

Written by Tammy Kennedy LPC

Mental Health and Relationship Counselor

Categories : Marriage Counseling, Mental Health, Relationships

Choosing the Right Therapist

By turnthepage
Friday, December 23rd, 2016

Counseling or psychotherapy for anxiety, depression, substance abuse, or relationships can be a very life changing, if not life saving, process. It is so important to find the best match for your needs. For many, this is a new experience or at least new in this current situation or location.

Making an inquiry for services and reaching out for help requires enormous trust. It involves uncertainty. Although finding a great match for your needs can be overwhelming, you can minimize the uncertainty. It is important to ask questions and express your hopes and expectations beginning with the first contact and throughout the process. Your questions may include queries about the counselor’s experience, specialties, flexibility, and availability of appointment times. We encourage you to ask how privacy and confidentiality are protected.

The following is a checklist of considerations that could help you determine whether a clinic and therapist/counselor is a right fit for you. An excellent clinic such as Pinnacle Counseling is able to have high ratings in most, if not all, categories.

Using the Scale 1-5  (with 1-Poor, 3-Average and  5-Excellent) rate the clinics and counselor/therapist you visit:

1. The convenience of the location of the office.

2. The availability of appointment times.

3. The comfort/atmosphere of the office or facility.

4. The competence and knowledge of the therapist.

5. The quality of care and services.

6. The thoroughness of the initial evaluation and treatment.

7. The amount of help you received.

8. Your degree of improvement from the time of the initial visit.

9. The degree to which you were helped to deal more effectively with you problems.

10. The improvement in how you feel compared to the initial visit.

11. Your overall satisfaction with the treatment.

12. The value of the treatment, considering the cost.

13 The response time from your first contact to the initial appointment.

14. The adequacy of explanation of procedures, fees, treatment, etc.

15. The friendliness/courtesy of your therapist.

16. The attention and respect to privacy you received.

17. The personal interest in you and your problems.

18. The attention given to what you had to say.

19. Your comfort in referring a friend or relative.

20. Your comfort in returning if you needed help again.

Sharon Nelson, LCSW

Mental Health and Relationship Counselor- Feel Better, Live Better

Categories : Anxiety, Depression, family counseling, Mental Health, Therapy

Live Better, Feel Better: Extending the Boundaries

By turnthepage
Monday, November 21st, 2016

A price will be exacted from us for everything we do or leave undone. We should find the courage to win, to win back our finer kinder and healthier selves. It is possible to find within ourselves the capacity to be thankful even while we grieve. Loss is a part of life. Although being thankful and feeling emotional pain do not coexist very often, it can be done. Only gratitude will allow your heart to be truly happy. Just counting the losses keeps the score very uneven. Even in times of loss you can find many things or memories to carry you forward. Grief only exists where love once lived. Having loved is something to be thankful for.

We need to remember that we are created creative and can invent new scenarios whenever they are needed. Life seems to love the person living it. Life is pure adventure. The sooner that is realized, the sooner you can treat life as art. Bringing all your energy to each encounter remaining flexible. And if the outcome is not as you planned understanding that it doesn’t mean the outcome itself was wrong.

Extending the boundaries of your thinking, being open to new ways of thinking about situations, accepting losses throughout the year still leaves so many things to be grateful for, and even being thankful for the pain that accompanies grief will help you heal and find more happiness. Because without that pain you would have never known the love and joy that person or time brought to you. Just as people, places, things, events, etc. affect your life each day. You, your actions, your expressions, your choice of words affect others around you each day. Be an example of who you want to be, who you hope to become. Extend the boundaries of your hurt tired self and count your blessings, even if some of them are from the past.

~Audrey A. Adams LCSW

 

Categories : Affirmations, Mental Health, Mindfulness

Feel Better, Live Better: Love is patient, Love is Kind

By turnthepage
Wednesday, November 9th, 2016

“I believe forgiveness frees the heart and soul of a darkness that was never

intended to live there”

What I’ve seen in therapy is nothing short of a miracle because what I’ve seen is couples giving one another grace that does not come naturally. I’ve seen couples display acts of kindness that come only with love, but not just any love, this is an act of “true” love. Amazingly, these acts of love have been exhibited in instances where the very nature of human existence instructs us not to love at all but rather to act “as if” at war with the enemy. As beings of a higher order, we are capable of many things, but is true love one of those things? Are we capable of loving those who are a threat to us – those who have hurt us to the core – those whose very actions say they are at war with us? Maybe the more important question is – Is forgiveness natural? Is this true love?

The therapeutic process allows clinicians to see people turn from hate, distain, and distrust, potentially endangering their own self-pride, self-esteem, and self-worth, and turn instead to love, respect, and altruism. People choose to love, when given the chance. We are confused when messages are mixed between convictions and behaviors. We expect others to uphold their commitments to us and we’re blind-sided when they instead hurt us with acts of disloyalty, dishonesty, and vengeance. Yet when given the chance to forgive, we forgive. I believe this is a good argument for the existence of “true” love.

I believe we are born to be in relation with one another. I believe we have an innate longing for connectedness. I believe love is a basic need for survival. I believe we choose to forgive in order to maintain our natural need to love and to be loved; we trust those who have betrayed us to avoid disconnection. I have witnessed such behavior in couple’s therapy. I have witnessed the beauty of forgiveness for infidelity, dishonesty, and disloyalty. There is no greater pleasure to a therapist than to witness such forgiveness. Forgiveness is a gift some of us never experience. Forgiveness is one of the most empowering acts human beings exchange with one another yet, it is one of the most difficult to offer or accept. Why? Because at first glance, forgiveness appears to be an act of weakness. People perceive the act of forgiveness as challenging to their self-pride, self-esteem, and self-worth. Forgiveness is one of the most humble things we do as human beings because it calls us to love truly. It calls us to love emphatically, loving “as if” from the heart of the very ones who have hurt us. Not only are we to set aside the pain they have caused but we are called also to put their needs before our own? How can we do this? Only through the act of “true” love. Forgiveness may be the most selfless act we ever offer; an unwillingness to forgive, stands in the way of altruism.

We can learn from one another the power of loving with our whole-self. A love that calls us to come to the middle “wholeheartedly”, a term used by Brene` Brown in her book Daring Greatly, Gotham Books, 2012. I think loving wholeheartedly is our chance to love others considering not only what’s in the best interest of “me”, but also what’s in the best interest of “you”. When we come to the middle wholeheartedly rather than half-heartedly, we come vulnerable, willing to step outside “me” to see “you”. When I see you first, I then love you truly. I’m then loving myself enough to give myself the gift of wholehearted love, a love that is the shared interest of both me and you – it’s unselfish, fearless, and completely vulnerable. It’s trusting me enough to trust you. That’s the kind of love I want, need, and desire and I believe it is a love that can be taught. It is by sharing through acts of humility that we learn to live out our most valued attributes.

Written by Tammy Kennedy LPC

Pinnacle Counseling

Mental Health and Relationship Counselor

Categories : Affirmations, Marriage Counseling, Mental Health, Relationships

What the Mind/Body connection teaches us about relationships?

By turnthepage
Friday, October 21st, 2016

By Terry Richardson MSW LCSW

Mental Health and Relationship Counselor

PinnacleCounselingNWA.com

Feel Better Live Better- What the Mind/Body connection teaches us about relationships?

Of the most important things we need to know about life, having healthy relationships is foremost. So where do we learn this vital information? It’s easy to identify relationships that aren’t working, a short read of the newspaper, fifteen minutes of the evening news broadcast or just standing in line at the grocery store reveals the difficult and sometimes tragic results of a relationship gone wrong. So what does a healthy relationship have? From my perspective, each of us, in our mind/body existence, are given a natural example of the potentially perfect relationship.

The essential elements of all healthy relationships are balance, contrast and complementarity. Effective application of these elements give us tools to interact with family, friends and coworkers, and how we treat ourselves.

In order to illustrate the mind/body relationship think for a moment about your body as a vehicle and your mind as the driver. The next time you get into your car, consider the relationship you have established with it because of the cooperative and collaborative agreement you have with it, you accomplish your purpose of being transported from point “A” to point “B”, and whether it’s in a Lamborghini or a Ford, the results are the same. The mind/body relationship your “self” is the journey you are on and the people in your life are passengers for the trip. Are you having fun yet?

Balance

What is balance? One physical definition is “the equalization of forces.” In other works, neither the body or mind dominates or assumes complete control. If you’ve ever experienced a stuck gas pedal wildly accelerating, had to push a car you’ve failed to fuel, or the frustration of an exhaustingly long trip, and in spite of “cruise control” your hands on the wheel – literally in “co-operation.” In a healthy relationship sharing responsibility is more productive than dominance or control.

Contrast

Night and day, sweet and sour, sharp and dull, old and young. Contrast is what helps us examine and experience one thing by knowing its counterpart. Though not always an opposite, contrast is an inescapable acknowledge of the other side of the coin, the “flip side” of what is known versus the unknown. Contrast helps us get clarity about our own identity by providing a framework of reference that makes us distinct from our surroundings. A healthy relationship creates a backdrop in our experience of life so that we might more clearly define and know who we are.

Complementarity

I would be ludicrous to get behind the driver’s seat and just sit there, waiting for the trip to start. Why? It is the interaction of all of the components involved that makes the difference. Complementarity is the harmonic blending of balance and contrast into action. It is the reason that apparently impossible things can happen – the reason you can” drive” to St. Louis in 5 hours. When we focus on complementarity in our relationships, conflicts created by power struggles and insecurities created by differences, dissolve. In a healthy relationship strengths and differences are assets that make the sum greater than its parts.

In my work as a psychotherapist, I often remind couples or individuals I am working with, that most people know more about maintaining a car that a relationship. That is primarily because we too often accept relationships as a “given” part of life, whereas a car is something we work for, and need to know how to take care of. Our learning about relationships “just happens’ through observation and experience (primarily trial and error) and when we do ask for advice we generally don’t consult the experts.

The next time you find yourself unhappily stuck by the side of the road, the mind/body owner’s manual of relationships might be the first place to look.

Categories : Emotions, Marriage Counseling, Meditation, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Relationships, Therapy
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