Anxiety can be confused with fear. Fear is a response to a very real and concrete danger that makes you want to pull away from or escape, because it could be a threat to your physical or emotional safety. The fear response can affect both the physiology of the body and the chemical balance of the brain. Anxiety is a generalized sense of dread about something that seems menacing but actually may not be menacing or may not even be out there. Feeling anxious may make it difficult for you to talk yourself out of this foreboding and you become trapped in an endless loop of “what ifs”. Anxiety can produce feelings of worry, stress, stomach butterflies, and other manifestations of anxiety. While this emotional and physical discomfort can be worrisome, anxiety can often be a valuable signal that “trouble is brewing” and signals you to pay attention to be a problem that needs to be addressed. If you feel your anxiety is getting in the way of daily functioning, seek professional help as there are many effective treatments to reduce, manage, or eliminate anxiety.
Social media is regarded as a tool to stay connected, informed, and interconnected with everyone in your inner circle and even around the world. The days of writing a letter or calling a distant relative to catch up on what is going on in his or her life seem but a memory. The world seems to prefer the click of an app or your mouse to get the latest and greatest news as fast as your browser or phone can download it. You do not even have to worry about the small talk before getting to the 140 characters of what is really going on in someone’s life or the daily (sometimes hourly) ‘status’ on Facebook. While there are seemingly no limits to what one can search for and learn about, there is also something fundamental missing in the constant refreshing of pages and pages of information. A real, deep connection to someone or something is severely lacking. Instead of communicating with an open heart and open mind, one can scroll through to get to the high points of a ‘likable’ moment.
Loved ones are people we share our lives with for a reason. That reason is because of the love and deep personal ties that these people have with us. They might have been there to help you through a break-up, loss of some kind, or have even shared a joyous occasion that bonded you. Those are memories. I believe that I will never tell my grandchildren of the time I got 35 likes on Facebook or the time I read a tweet about what celebrity got arrested.
A lot can be said for the amount of comfort, satisfaction, and joy comes from spending time with someone you really care about or a quiet moment alone. The hustle of figuring out the Wi-Fi password so you can tweet about what a bad day you just had will never be a substitute for meeting your best friend to talk it out. Connection and interaction feels so comforting because it is a building block of human nature. We have to have it. Without the communication and belonging, we would be endlessly scrolling and uploading; instead of living and loving deeply. Being social is not about how many social networking websites you are a part of, but your real social network is made up of those around you every day. Cherish those that you care for and search to find the connections that you are hard wired to make. You will be much happier.
Erika McCaghren
Are you in the habit of always thinking of everyone else first and putting your own needs dead last? Well, you are not alone! That issue comes up frequently when someone shares with me about their anxiety or depression. There are likely several factors at play that cause you to sell yourself short. But in the end, you are left feeling resentful and exhausted. Who is there to meet your needs?
We have to start “showing up” and making our own needs and wants known. A favorite saying of mine is, “You teach others how to treat you by what you allow”. Powerful stuff! Think about your current relationships. Do these relationships have a 50/50 balance, with you and the other person being equally important? If not, why? Chances are, you definitely deserve to own 50% of the input in the relationship.
Cognitive behavioral therapy can be a powerful tool for overcoming the habit of people pleasing. We learn a life time of “messages” we receive from others which reinforce that our opinion doesn’t matter. We learn that it’s not ok to make others upset or disappoint them. That belief may have served you once in your life, but with those kinds of thinking patterns our souls can really take a beating after a while. CBT helps by uncovering the messages you hold to be true and teaches you to re-write the script. The technique of assertive communication is important here, too. The two extremes, passive and aggressive styles of communication, usually aren’t very helpful in the long run. Assertive communication says “Your needs matter, and so do mine”. Try to get in the habit of thinking and responding with that thought in mind.
To many, making themselves a priority has never crossed their mind. How is there room for that when you are busy being supermom/wife/employee…? You may find that by taking care of yourself first, or at least making your self-care an equal priority in the equation, you have more to give to others. You may feel guilt about this, and frankly others may try to make you feel guilty about it, but self-care is vital to mental and physical health. Self-care can be as simple as taking 15 minutes to enjoy coffee with a friend, getting to the gym for a work out, reading quietly- anything you want that is nurturing to your soul. The only requirement is that it takes care of YOU. It is ok to be nice to yourself!
Rachael Nachtigal, LPC
With the holiday season and winter months fast approaching, feelings and symptoms of depression will often surface or increase. Feeling “down in the dumps” or “blah”, sad, discouraged, hopeless, irritable, cranky, or easily frustrated are typical symptoms of depression. Also feeling withdrawn, a loss of interest or pleasure in activities, changes in appetite, sleep, energy, difficulty concentrating, and making decisions are commonly reported. A sense of feeling worthless or excessive guilt may be experienced. Some of these feelings may actually interfere with our relationships, school, job, social activities, and even day to day functioning. If you experience a few or most of these symptoms it is wise to pay attention to what your body is telling you and to take care of yourself.
Often people minimize or don’t understand depression and the possible effects of going untreated. Working with a mental health professional can help you understand depression and learn multiple ways to manage its symptoms. Regardless of the season, feeling better means living better!
Erika McCaghren
Innovative, creative, and inspiring are tags used to search for videos on TED.com, the source for videos on almost anything. While it is nice to find something something funny to watch while you are at work, here are some videos that might spark your attention in the “tag” areas. Check them out:
Sarah Kay
“How many lives can you live?”
https://www.ted.com/talks/sarah_kay_how_many_lives_can_you_live
Sarah Kay uses two spoken-word poems to explain her love/hate relationship with living one life. She shares her hope to rush and hear everyone’s stories and to share her story so that she can see life through another person’s frame of reference as many times as she can, so as to not miss out on anything that others have to offer. Sarah ends her talk with another spoken-word poem about the power of experience and living lives of our own and of others in a special way.
Ash Beckham
“We are all hiding something. Let’s find the courage to open up.”
https://www.ted.com/talks/ash_beckham_we_re_all_hiding_something_let_s_find_the_courage_to_open_up
Ash Beckham discusses the closets that keep us from opening up and sharing our story. The story that makes us shut the door to the closet of secrets and pushes others away. Although she tells her own story of having a hard conversation about who she was to a little girl in a diner, Ash sends an important message about connection. That message is that the safety of covering up secrets and hiding from owning our story scares us into believing that we are alone. What we are is different and unique, but we are never alone in our struggles.
“All a closet is… is a hard conversation.” –Ash Beckham
Colin Stokes
“How movies teach manhood”
http://www.ted.com/talks/colin_stokes_how_movies_teach_manhood#t-46850
Colin Stokes uses two classic movies, The Wizard of Oz and Star Wars, to illustrate the differences between masculine and feminine ideals presented by mainstream video media that play continuously throughout a child’s upbringing. These ideals in the form of movie protagonists in Disney and Pixar films can be masculine or feminine, but the message of courage transcends much deeper than hero or heroine. Stokes challenges parents to see the journey of the movies to show children themes that are more impactful and universal than fighting the bad guy or saving the princess; they involve friendships, self-discovery, and teamwork.
Erika McCaghren
As a former student-athlete, I have always considered there to be a huge difference between athletes and all “normal people”. We watch their highs and lows on Friday nights during the big game, root for them to get scholarships to play for good schools, and hope that one day, they can take their passion to the next level in professional sports. We eat, sleep, and breathe for the moment when we get to see our child light up after a tough game or when our alma mater beats our hometown rival. Athletes spend countless hours in the gym, practicing the perfect jump shot, strategizing over a playbook, and conditioning to prepare for a game. They obsess over their skill set, teammates, coaches’ opinion, and preparation level each moment of the day. At the end of the season, athletes assimilate back into the lull of offseason athletics and train for the next year. While athletes are just one example, we are all hyphenated people: student-athletes, working mothers, stay at home fathers, best friends, supportive spouses; but overall, we are not that much different than our favorite star players. This means that “sports psychology” is not only for athletes. It is for the rest of us who live our lives as complex people, hyphenated people. In this three part series, we will explore how everyone can benefit from sports psychology tricks and tips for your everyday life.
Why sports psychology does not apply only to athletes:
Reason #1: Sports psychology involves the connection between your mind and body while performing an activity. The interaction between your thoughts, body movements, sensations, and total involvement in a task creates a unique experience that is not only for athletes. This connection can happen when you do anything you are passionate about. All you have to do is realize what your passion is—reading, lifting weights, playing with your children, running, walking your dog, or writing—and do that. The “zone” and “flow” will come faster than you realize if you allow yourself the freedom and pleasure to do what it is that you love.
By Erika McCaghren
Pinnacle Counseling would like to formally welcome the newest additions to our staff, Torie Sullivan, a Mental Health and Relationship Counselor, and Kalli Hendren, Administrative Assistant.
We are thrilled to have them join our team! They are featured on the main page of our website (http://pinnaclecounselingnwa.com/pinnacle-counseling) and more about them is located under the “Our Counselors” tab. We look forward to sharing the talents of these incredible women with our clients.
Why is it hard to write once you get a homework assignment or have a speech to make for your job? Why does the task of speaking from your heart and soul shut us down so much that we get seemingly ‘writer’s block’ when it is time to share our story? Maybe it is the feeling of being put on the spot or under fire to make sense of things for others. Maybe it is stress about how your boss will feel about your speech or how well you will do on your assignment once it is graded.
I have a different theory about why it is hard to write. Writing, whether a speech for a huge conference or in your journal at home, is an intensely personal task. Whether we like it or not, it forces us to listen to ourselves and to own what we feel and think at that exact moment. It may seem like writing is pointless…”Who cares what I think? Who will ever read this? Why do I have to share my thoughts if everyone has their own opinions about life?”
All these questions are important. You have unique answers to all of these questions. It may not seem like you have any answers when you go through the writing process and wait for the inspiration to flow. The truth of the matter is that you can inspire yourself to write and to speak from your heart, head, gut, or wherever your fingers take you. I can guarantee you one thing: writing will never be bad. You might have grammar issues, misspellings, or bad handwriting…but your original thoughts as they are right now are your own and are worth sharing at least for your own benefit. Writing down your story, or even part of your story, helps you to realize you are worth accepting yourself and your thoughts. You are always worth it, so just write and see what happens.
Erika McCaghren
With the holiday season and winter months fast approaching, feelings and symptoms of depression will often surface or increase. Feeling “down in the dumps” or “blah”, sad, discouraged, hopeless, irritable, cranky, or easily frustrated are typical symptoms of depression. Also feeling withdrawn, a loss of interest or pleasure in activities, changes in appetite, sleep, energy, difficulty concentrating, and making decisions are commonly reported. A sense of feeling worthless or excessive guilt may be experienced. Some of these feelings may actually interfere with our relationships, school, job, social activities, and even day to day functioning. If you experience a few or most of these symptoms it is wise to pay attention to what your body is telling you and to take care of yourself.
Often people minimize or don’t understand depression and the possible effects of going untreated. Working with a mental health professional can help you understand depression and learn multiple ways to manage its symptoms. Regardless of the season, feeling better means living better!
Erika McCaghren
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