Home should be a place of peace and refuge in a busy, sometimes hectic, world. If you are looking for harmony at home and not finding it, here are a couple of things to think about:
- Sometimes stress comes to you. Sometimes it comes from you. Can you locate the source of stress in your home?
- How are the kids doing? Are they happy, healthy, enjoying their experiences at school and at home?
- What is the status of the marriage? How is communication? Taking time for the important things?
- Who sets the emotional tone at home? Mom, dad, the kids?
- Finances and laundry are two prominent sources of stress in a relationship. How are the finances and who is doing the laundry?
Changes occur all day long. An appointment gets cancelled, you encounter a detour on the way home, you were anticipating roast beef for dinner and you got chicken. It’s what life is and while you might get a bit frustrated, you learn to roll with it. But what about the big changes? Job transfers, marriage, divorce, children, medical changes and the death of someone you love. How do you learn to adapt with the changes that will affect the rest of your life?
Whether you’re leaving the community that you’ve built strong relations with or having to bury a loved one, you will feel anger because it wasn’t your choice for this to happen to you. Healthy coping skills result in better emotional stability. Poor coping skills result in anger and resentment.
First, it is helpful to recognize that you are in the midst of change and that change is part of you. Instead of thinking about all the negative issues, try making a list of all the positive benefits of this change. Visualize all the possibilities and write them down. Make up a “to do” list if there are things you need to accomplish before the change happens. Call a friend and discuss your fears and ask for their advice. If you feel that you can’t get past your fear, anger and resentment you may need to talk to a professional. In talking with a therapist you will get an unbiased opinion and they will be able to give you some insight and the coping tools so that you can move on and embrace your changes.
“Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.” ~ Jim Rohn
Is your plan is place? An earlier post gave a few what not to’s for your resolutions this year (NY Resolutions: A Counselor’s Perspective). Here are a couple of suggestions for resolutions that work for you. Don’t worry if you haven’t developed a well-defined resolution or set of resolutions. Now is the perfect time.
Be specific. Broad generalizations are not your friends. Set specific, measurable goals with a specific verifiable, objectives along the way. If today is day one of your new program, you should do something today toward your goal and feel good about it.
Give yourself two months. What you are trying to do is replace a disorganized, unfocused, or unhealthy habit with the habit of your choice. Research indicates that you need to practice a new behavior about 60 times before it becomes a habit. If you are talking about an everyday discipline, that means you’ll need about two months to turn a new behavior (cleaning the kitchen every night before bed, walking every morning, not smoking on the way to work, not placing clothing on the floor of your closet) into an established habit.
Reward yourself along the way. Feel good starting day one. Recognize that the change you are seeking is already underway. Imagine how good you’ll feel at day 60. Think about it. How you get there starts on day one and continues for every day thereafter. Think about spreading that good feeling of accomplishment out, from day one to day sixty and every day in between.
Pinnacle Counseling is proudly going green in support of National Mental Illness Awareness Week from Monday, October 7th – Friday, October 11th. Although there are many things you can do to show your support for National Mental Illness Awareness Week, the number one thing every single person can do is to help spread awareness to stop the stigma of mental illness. Starting the conversation is the first step to reaching out and supporting your loved ones as they seek help in a struggle with any sort of mental illness or mental health issue can be remarkably beneficial. At Pinnacle Counseling, we are ready to help you on your journey to becoming more mentally healthy. Check back throughout the week for more posts to help spread the word about the importance of mental health awareness.
Erika McCaghren
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