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Archive for: Relationships

April is Counseling Awareness Month

By Pinnacle Counseling
Thursday, January 1st, 2015

April is Counseling Awareness Month! Although many people know generally what counselors do, this is a time for counselors everywhere to stand together to promote the use of counseling services. We do this by reaching out to clients, readers, social media outlets, and through simple word of mouth that “We are here”. Pinnacle Counseling stands in full support of Counseling Awareness Month by showing people that we care and are here to support you. Knowing that there is a group of professionals near you, ready and willing to listen and help you through a particularly hard time or everyday struggles of life is a valuable tool. In any given situation, no matter the cause, difficulty, or time you have been dealing with the issue—we are here. Simply remember…Keep Calm and Call a Counselor!

 

Erika McCaghren

 

Sources: American Counseling Association

 

 

Categories : Alternatives to Medication, Anxiety, bullying, Change, children, Depression, domestic violence, Emotions, family counseling, Grief, Marriage Counseling, Meditation, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Parenting, Relationships, Teens, Therapy, Trauma
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Five things you can do for your marriage now. Number two. The three A's.

By Pinnacle Counseling
Thursday, January 1st, 2015

The ability to change course in the middle of a fight is a powerful relationship skill. Most people do not have it. We can be so predictable in our arguments, so petty! Talk about the three A’s when you are both calm and relaxed. Practice them. That way you’ll be ready to use them as the antidote if your talk turns poisonous.

It’ll take a little courage to use them the first time. Someone is going to feel vulnerable. Do them in sequence. It should only take a minute. You can even preface by saying Okay, this is not working. I’m going to do a triple A.

Apology
Affection
Action

Apology — Take ownership for your part of the argument. Be honest. You’re trying to change the energy of the argument. Don’t take the easy way out by saying something like I’m sorry you’re being such a jerk.

Affection — As soon as you’ve apologized for your part in the argument, move towards your spouse. Offer a hug, a kiss, or reach out in some affectionate physical way.

Action — Pledge to take some sort of action. It’s better talk about something that you will do rather than something that you won’t do. I will treat you with respect is better than I will not call you names. Either way, follow through is the most important thing.

Categories : Marriage Counseling, Relationships

Domestic Violence

By Pinnacle Counseling
Thursday, January 1st, 2015

According to a 2010 national survey by the Centers for Disease Control and Department of Justice, in the 12 months of that year, more men than women were victims of intimate partner physical violence and over 40% of severe physical violence was directed at men. Domestic violence is a serious, preventable public health problem that affects more than 32 million Americans. This number reflects the number of cases that are reported; it’s estimated that in the United States, as many as one third of domestic violence cases are never reported.

If you are in an abusive relationship it is important that you tell someone you trust what has been happening. Keep a journal of all violent incidents and take pictures of any physical damage o your body. It is also important that you have evidence of your abuse if and when you need to prove it in court. There are many cases where the abused spouse has lost everything, including the children because the abusing spouse has turned the tables on him or her and accused him or her of being the abuser.

If possible, it would be beneficial for both parties to seek marriage counseling before the violence escalates. If not, then you should be talking to a professional that can help you understand what is happening to you and give you some guidelines on how to cope and how to help your children. The abused spouse is often dealing with repressed anger, feeling hurt, humiliated, and isolated. Get help now. No one deserves to be abused!

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) ;  1-800-787-3224

Categories : Change, Emotions, Marriage Counseling, Mental Health, Relationships, Therapy, Trauma
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Marriage Counseling: Is there a fixable problem here? (warning: automotive analogy)

By Pinnacle Counseling
Thursday, January 1st, 2015

There is a big difference between repairing your car and scrapping it and buying a new one. The thought processes and tasks involved with each solution to your car problem are completely different. The fix or scrap question is usually informed by a couple of contributing factors regarding the current status of the vehicle:

  • What still works?
  • Is it road-worthy? Safe to drive?
  • Why did I buy this car in the first place? Are the reasons still sound?
  • Is the current damage repairable?
  • Is it worth the time and money it will take to repair the damage?
  • Can I get by without this car until I find a new one?

The answers to the above questions determine whether you are moving in the fix direction or the scrap direction.

Many couples involved in marriage counseling find themselves in a similar position determining to future of their marriage: fix it or scrap it. Many of the same type of questions apply. The trick to saving a marriage is to find the fixable problem and fix it.

 

Categories : Relationships

Social Media and Mental Health

By Pinnacle Counseling
Thursday, January 1st, 2015

Social media is regarded as a tool to stay connected, informed, and interconnected with everyone in your inner circle and even around the world. The days of writing a letter or calling a distant relative to catch up on what is going on in his or her life seem but a memory. The world seems to prefer the click of an app or your mouse to get the latest and greatest news as fast as your browser or phone can download it. You do not even have to worry about the small talk before getting to the 140 characters of what is really going on in someone’s life or the daily (sometimes hourly) ‘status’ on Facebook. While there are seemingly no limits to what one can search for and learn about, there is also something fundamental missing in the constant refreshing of pages and pages of information. A real, deep connection to someone or something is severely lacking. Instead of communicating with an open heart and open mind, one can scroll through to get to the high points of a ‘likable’ moment.

Loved ones are people we share our lives with for a reason. That reason is because of the love and deep personal ties that these people have with us. They might have been there to help you through a break-up, loss of some kind, or have even shared a joyous occasion that bonded you. Those are memories. I believe that I will never tell my grandchildren of the time I got 35 likes on Facebook or the time I read a tweet about what celebrity got arrested.

A lot can be said for the amount of comfort, satisfaction, and joy comes from spending time with someone you really care about or a quiet moment alone. The hustle of figuring out the Wi-Fi password so you can tweet about what a bad day you just had will never be a substitute for meeting your best friend to talk it out. Connection and interaction feels so comforting because it is a building block of human nature. We have to have it. Without the communication and belonging, we would be endlessly scrolling and uploading; instead of living and loving deeply. Being social is not about how many social networking websites you are a part of, but your real social network is made up of those around you every day. Cherish those that you care for and search to find the connections that you are hard wired to make. You will be much happier.

 

Erika McCaghren

Categories : Change, Emotions, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Relationships, Therapy
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Five best things you can do for your marriage now. Number three. Have fun.

By Pinnacle Counseling
Thursday, January 1st, 2015

A successful marriage requires consistent effort. It is not something that happens to you. It is something that happens because of your efforts and the efforts of your spouse. A happy marriage is always a work in progress. But it shouldn’t feel like work all the time. You need to have fun. Together. This is non-negotiable.

Plan a vacation you could never afford to take with no intention of ever actually going. Test drive a fancy sports car. Dream big together. Fly a kite. Go to a drive in movie. Play a board game. Do something you’ve never done before. Go to a flea market and by something ridiculous. Take an exercise class. Go see a scary movie in the afternoon. Hire a babysitter to watch the kids while you lounge around the house in sweatpants. Wrestle. Play some music wearing a bear costume.

Collaborate on something fun together. You deserve it. And your marriage needs it.

Categories : Marriage Counseling, Relationships

Check it out!

By Pinnacle Counseling
Thursday, January 1st, 2015
Categories : Anxiety, Change, Depression, Emotions, Grief, Marriage Counseling, Meditation, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Relationships, Therapy, Trauma
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Strengthen the friendship at the heart of your marriage

By Pinnacle Counseling
Thursday, January 1st, 2015

The following seven principles, based on the work of Dr. John Gottman, focus on positive interactions between individuals in a relationship. Conflict is a part of every marriage. Some conflicts may be unresolvable. However, all conflicts can be overcome if underlying feelings of mutual positive regard are present. A strong and lasting marriage is a loving marriage. But the foundation of this love, according to Gottman, is honest and reciprocal friendship.

  • 1. Know each other. Learn your spouses likes, dislikes, wishes, hopes, dreams, etc.
  • 2. Focus on  positive qualities, positive feelings for each other, and the good times you have shared with each other.
  • 3. Interact frequently, tell each other about your day, your thoughts, your experiences. Romance is fueled not by candlelight dinners, but by interacting with your partner in numerous little ways.
  • 4. “Let your partner influence you.” Translation: share power.
  • 5. “Solve your solvable problems.” Translation: Communicate respectfully, use “I” statements, criticize behavior without criticizing your partner, take a break when you’re getting too upset, and compromise. Gottman asserts that in both happy and unhappy marriages, more than 80% of the time the wife brings up marital conflicts while the husband tries to avoid discussing them.
  • 6. “Overcome gridlock.” Translation: understand your partner’s underlying feelings which are preventing resolution of the conflict.
  • 7. “Create shared meaning.” Translation: share values, attitudes, interests, traditions.
Categories : Relationships

Innovative, Creative, and Inspiring

By Pinnacle Counseling
Thursday, January 1st, 2015

Innovative, creative, and inspiring are tags used to search for videos on TED.com, the source for videos on almost anything. While it is nice to find something something funny to watch while you are at work, here are some videos that might spark your attention in the “tag” areas. Check them out:

Sarah Kay
“How many lives can you live?”
https://www.ted.com/talks/sarah_kay_how_many_lives_can_you_live
Sarah Kay uses two spoken-word poems to explain her love/hate relationship with living one life. She shares her hope to rush and hear everyone’s stories and to share her story so that she can see life through another person’s frame of reference as many times as she can, so as to not miss out on anything that others have to offer. Sarah ends her talk with another spoken-word poem about the power of experience and living lives of our own and of others in a special way.


Ash Beckham
“We are all hiding something. Let’s find the courage to open up.”
https://www.ted.com/talks/ash_beckham_we_re_all_hiding_something_let_s_find_the_courage_to_open_up
Ash Beckham discusses the closets that keep us from opening up and sharing our story. The story that makes us shut the door to the closet of secrets and pushes others away. Although she tells her own story of having a hard conversation about who she was to a little girl in a diner, Ash sends an important message about connection. That message is that the safety of covering up secrets and hiding from owning our story scares us into believing that we are alone. What we are is different and unique, but we are never alone in our struggles.

“All a closet is… is a hard conversation.”  –Ash Beckham

 

Colin Stokes
“How movies teach manhood”
http://www.ted.com/talks/colin_stokes_how_movies_teach_manhood#t-46850
Colin Stokes uses two classic movies, The Wizard of Oz and Star Wars, to illustrate the differences between masculine and feminine ideals presented by mainstream video media that play continuously throughout a child’s upbringing. These ideals in the form of movie protagonists in Disney and Pixar films can be masculine or feminine, but the message of courage transcends much deeper than hero or heroine. Stokes challenges parents to see the journey of the movies to show children themes that are more impactful and universal than fighting the bad guy or saving the princess; they involve friendships, self-discovery, and teamwork.

Erika McCaghren

Categories : Affirmations, Alternatives to Medication, Anxiety, Change, children, Depression, Emotions, Meditation, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Relationships, Therapy
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