Archive for: Relationships

Expanding the Pinnacle Counseling team!

There are exciting things happening at Pinnacle Counseling. We have updated our website to feature the new additions to our counseling staff, Rachel Nachtigal, LPC and Joel Gray, LPC. They are proud members of the Pinnacle Counseling team, both specializing in Mental Health and Relationship Counseling.

You can follow all of the news straight from the source by checking out our website at http://pinnaclecounselingnwa.com/. Or by following us on twitter at @Pinnacle_Cares or liking us on facebook at https://www.facebook.com/PinnacleCounseling. So check them out and get to know us better. We look forward to hearing from you.

Communication: Reframing Disappointment

Honesty, respect, and love should be the principles that guide communication within families. Sounds good. But certainly easier said than done. No where is this more true than the expression of disappointment.

What is disappointment? It is the feeling that you have been let down by the actions of another. You expected more; they gave you less. Disappointment is a very real feeling, quite common. Feelings are right; they are to be trusted. But what to do with this particular feeling?

Caution is encouraged to those who you use personal feelings of disappointment to change or shape the behavior of a family member. This is not to say that feeling disappointment is wrong. It is certainly not. However, expressions of feelings of disappointment, particularly repeated expressions of disappointment over time, rarely lead to deeper feelings of honesty, respect, and love.

How does your disappointment feel to the individual you have identified as the source of your disappointment? That is the key question. Disappointment feels like a closed system. It feels like an emotional verdict –GUILTY!– pronounced on a past behavior. The sentence: separation, isolation, and judgement.

April is Counseling Awareness Month

April is Counseling Awareness Month! Although many people know generally what counselors do, this is a time for counselors everywhere to stand together to promote the use of counseling services. We do this by reaching out to clients, readers, social media outlets, and through simple word of mouth that “We are here”. Pinnacle Counseling stands in full support of Counseling Awareness Month by showing people that we care and are here to support you. Knowing that there is a group of professionals near you, ready and willing to listen and help you through a particularly hard time or everyday struggles of life is a valuable tool. In any given situation, no matter the cause, difficulty, or time you have been dealing with the issue—we are here. Simply remember…Keep Calm and Call a Counselor!

 

Erika McCaghren

 

Sources: American Counseling Association

 

 

Five things you can do for your marriage now. Number two. The three A's.

The ability to change course in the middle of a fight is a powerful relationship skill. Most people do not have it. We can be so predictable in our arguments, so petty! Talk about the three A’s when you are both calm and relaxed. Practice them. That way you’ll be ready to use them as the antidote if your talk turns poisonous.

It’ll take a little courage to use them the first time. Someone is going to feel vulnerable. Do them in sequence. It should only take a minute. You can even preface by saying Okay, this is not working. I’m going to do a triple A.

Apology
Affection
Action

Apology — Take ownership for your part of the argument. Be honest. You’re trying to change the energy of the argument. Don’t take the easy way out by saying something like I’m sorry you’re being such a jerk.

Affection — As soon as you’ve apologized for your part in the argument, move towards your spouse. Offer a hug, a kiss, or reach out in some affectionate physical way.

Action — Pledge to take some sort of action. It’s better talk about something that you will do rather than something that you won’t do. I will treat you with respect is better than I will not call you names. Either way, follow through is the most important thing.

Domestic Violence

According to a 2010 national survey by the Centers for Disease Control and Department of Justice, in the 12 months of that year, more men than women were victims of intimate partner physical violence and over 40% of severe physical violence was directed at men. Domestic violence is a serious, preventable public health problem that affects more than 32 million Americans. This number reflects the number of cases that are reported; it’s estimated that in the United States, as many as one third of domestic violence cases are never reported.

If you are in an abusive relationship it is important that you tell someone you trust what has been happening. Keep a journal of all violent incidents and take pictures of any physical damage o your body. It is also important that you have evidence of your abuse if and when you need to prove it in court. There are many cases where the abused spouse has lost everything, including the children because the abusing spouse has turned the tables on him or her and accused him or her of being the abuser.

If possible, it would be beneficial for both parties to seek marriage counseling before the violence escalates. If not, then you should be talking to a professional that can help you understand what is happening to you and give you some guidelines on how to cope and how to help your children. The abused spouse is often dealing with repressed anger, feeling hurt, humiliated, and isolated. Get help now. No one deserves to be abused!

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) ;  1-800-787-3224

Marriage Counseling: Is there a fixable problem here? (warning: automotive analogy)

There is a big difference between repairing your car and scrapping it and buying a new one. The thought processes and tasks involved with each solution to your car problem are completely different. The fix or scrap question is usually informed by a couple of contributing factors regarding the current status of the vehicle:

  • What still works?
  • Is it road-worthy? Safe to drive?
  • Why did I buy this car in the first place? Are the reasons still sound?
  • Is the current damage repairable?
  • Is it worth the time and money it will take to repair the damage?
  • Can I get by without this car until I find a new one?

The answers to the above questions determine whether you are moving in the fix direction or the scrap direction.

Many couples involved in marriage counseling find themselves in a similar position determining to future of their marriage: fix it or scrap it. Many of the same type of questions apply. The trick to saving a marriage is to find the fixable problem and fix it.

 

Social Media and Mental Health

Social media is regarded as a tool to stay connected, informed, and interconnected with everyone in your inner circle and even around the world. The days of writing a letter or calling a distant relative to catch up on what is going on in his or her life seem but a memory. The world seems to prefer the click of an app or your mouse to get the latest and greatest news as fast as your browser or phone can download it. You do not even have to worry about the small talk before getting to the 140 characters of what is really going on in someone’s life or the daily (sometimes hourly) ‘status’ on Facebook. While there are seemingly no limits to what one can search for and learn about, there is also something fundamental missing in the constant refreshing of pages and pages of information. A real, deep connection to someone or something is severely lacking. Instead of communicating with an open heart and open mind, one can scroll through to get to the high points of a ‘likable’ moment.

Loved ones are people we share our lives with for a reason. That reason is because of the love and deep personal ties that these people have with us. They might have been there to help you through a break-up, loss of some kind, or have even shared a joyous occasion that bonded you. Those are memories. I believe that I will never tell my grandchildren of the time I got 35 likes on Facebook or the time I read a tweet about what celebrity got arrested.

A lot can be said for the amount of comfort, satisfaction, and joy comes from spending time with someone you really care about or a quiet moment alone. The hustle of figuring out the Wi-Fi password so you can tweet about what a bad day you just had will never be a substitute for meeting your best friend to talk it out. Connection and interaction feels so comforting because it is a building block of human nature. We have to have it. Without the communication and belonging, we would be endlessly scrolling and uploading; instead of living and loving deeply. Being social is not about how many social networking websites you are a part of, but your real social network is made up of those around you every day. Cherish those that you care for and search to find the connections that you are hard wired to make. You will be much happier.

 

Erika McCaghren

Five best things you can do for your marriage now. Number three. Have fun.

A successful marriage requires consistent effort. It is not something that happens to you. It is something that happens because of your efforts and the efforts of your spouse. A happy marriage is always a work in progress. But it shouldn’t feel like work all the time. You need to have fun. Together. This is non-negotiable.

Plan a vacation you could never afford to take with no intention of ever actually going. Test drive a fancy sports car. Dream big together. Fly a kite. Go to a drive in movie. Play a board game. Do something you’ve never done before. Go to a flea market and by something ridiculous. Take an exercise class. Go see a scary movie in the afternoon. Hire a babysitter to watch the kids while you lounge around the house in sweatpants. Wrestle. Play some music wearing a bear costume.

Collaborate on something fun together. You deserve it. And your marriage needs it.

Check it out!

 

Pinnacle Counseling | Client Portal Login Here